In an homage to the Panic Room of yesteryear, we thought we’d give good old Captain McCaptainface another run for its money for a little while. This won’t be here forever, so enjoy it while it lasts!
Anyway no-one’s here to read me being nostalgic, we’re here for bona-fide captaincy options, so bona-fide captaincy options is what you’ll get!
This week, popular loopholes Olango (WCE – Sunday arvo) and Lynch (Collingwood – Saturday night) give us a bit of time to play around with VC options.
ADELAIDE vs WESTERN BULLDOGS
Adelaide Oval, 7.20PM
Hey so you know Jack Macrae? He’s good at football. Like, very good at football. Like, you should have started him in round one like I told you to, but only one per cent of you did. Anyway. He’s good. He’s a VC option against an undermanned Adelaide midfield which is likely to be missing a Sloane, a Crouch or two and possibly another few first-choice midfielders, but considering the Crows have 47 midfielders on their list they’ll be right.
Macrae will cop attention, just like he did in the second half last week, so I wouldn’t be expecting him to hit the heights he has over the past three rounds. If you don’t have Macrae but have The Bont, he’s worth a punt. I don’t like how much time he’s spending forward but if he picks up two or three snags, diggidy damn he could push 130+.
Also – you know that Rory Laird bloke you’ve got at D1? Yeah. He’s had four scores of 120+ this season. Against the Dogs he could be in for another night of 40 disposals, in which case he’d go big. However, his history against the Dogs is poor, averaging less than 80 against them.
NORTH MELBOURNE vs GWS
Blundstone Arena, 1.45PM
Ben Jacobs have been a strangling glove on many a player this season. Chances are, with GWS still missing superstar Josh Kelly, he’ll go to Stephen Gonigliog (the G is silent) and give him a score in the middling 70s. Granted, he’s a chance to go to Shiel or (please no please no please no) Whitfield, but in any case I’d be steering clear of any GWS players in this game.
Even Rory Lobb, who’s been in decent form, or if Shaw or Finlayson pretend to play footy again or a forward like Cameron or Greene but, just nah. It’s the vibe. It’s Mabo. It’s just not going to end well.
As for North – have you even got a North player? I mean really? Why? Why do you have a North player? Is it Todd Goldstein? Don’t captain Todd Goldstein. Don’t captain Ben Brown. Don’t… actually maybe VC Shaun Higgins? If you’re an absolute lunatic who’s mad as a cut snake? Yeah. Maybe. No. This game is garbage from Fantasy purposes. Next.
GOLD COAST SUNS vs PORT ADELAIDE
CHINA, 1.15PM (AEST)
They’re in China. Cool. Whatever. I mean if you want to showcase the game, let’s at least pick two sides that are half a chance to not be garbage. Port are not garbage. They’re pretty good at playing entertaining football, even if the worst of their support base is literally the absolute worst. Gold Coast? Who? Ugh. Anyway, onto Supercoach.
Do not captain a Gold Coast player. Do. Not. Do. It.
Robbie Gray could kick 16. Paddy Ryder could have a lot of hitouts. The Hoff could be YUUUUUUUGE in CHYNA. Rockliff could be kickstarted into gear like a lurching old mower. Even Riley Bonner could crack the ton here. Poke a stick at the Port side and stick a VC on one of them, but Robbie Gray’s got my vote. Only scored 76 in the last two games he’s played them, but I mean come on. It’s Gold Coast.
ESSENDON vs GEELONG
THE DANGER ZONE. That’s what they’ll have to rename the MCG after Saturday when Danger tears a hapless Essendon limb from limb this week. We’re awful. Don’t touch Essendon players – they’ll blanket Zach Merrett with Cam Guthrie and you don’t have any other Essendon players to consider because Hurley is missing and you’re not an idiot who picked any other premos in red and black.
As for Geelong… boy oh boy, wowee. Danger has two 130+ scores at the ‘G this season, and I reckon he could be back. Currently my captain. Joel Selwood another excellent option here – we’ll send Dylan Clarke to the bottom of the pack this week and old Jelwood will sweep him aside. Either that or draw 12 high free kicks off the inexperienced youngster. Gary Ablett. God. Could clean up, especially playing forward without Michael Hurley lining up.
Also – Tim Kelly. If you haven’t got Danger, Selwood or Gaz – is it time to consider him for the VC? Probably not, but makes you think.
SYDNEY vs FREMANTLE
I want that to be all I write here, but there are actually other options I need to write about which ruins the comedic impact of narrowing this high-stakes, complex game of football down to a hashtag. Lachlan Neale. Three-round average of 130. In sensational form. The last time he played Sydney in Sydney, he scored 44. Avoid.
Josh P. Kennedy. Scored 73 last week against the Hawks. That’s not a lot. Averages 116 against Freo. Worth a VC for mine but I wouldn’t be trusting him with the orange armband.
Sandi and Sinclair will negate each other, Heeney’s been out of touch in the past three rounds and Buddy’s still not back. Mundy doesn’t have the ceiling this year.
So in lieu of that, VC Ronke. Go on, do it. I dare you, I double dog dare you.
ST KILDA vs COLLINGWOOD
7.25PM, Etihad Stadium
Adam Treloar is the go-to man for 12,924 of you who have him. His lowest score since round two was last week, and it was 104. Scored 150ish against the Tigers. This is the man we all wanted him to be last season. Could get off the bloody chain against the Saints. Would be captaining him if I had him.
Pendlebury should be back but I wouldn’t captain him this season, the ceiling isn’t there. Grundy, howoever, does have the ceiling. No matter who the Saints throw at him – Hickey, Longer, that American bloke, Rowan “My Boat” Marshall – Grundy will have the answers. Five-round average of 125, and has only dropped below 110 once this season. Once. Lock.
From the Saints, I’m not even going to joke about captaining Jack Billings. However, I’m just going to leave this here…
— Fantasy Freako (@FantasyFreako) May 14, 2018
I’ll be watching this game to see if Billings can show a spark. I don’t expect him to, mind you, but I’ll be watching. No-one else of note here for mine.
CARLTON vs MELBOURNE
Fresh after cleaning up the blood on the hallowed turf from Essendon’s upcoming murder, Melbourne will probably take Carlton to the cleaners this weekend just to burst the bubble from their non-existent win over Essendon that didn’t happen last weekend.
You know how Carlton let key forwards kick bags on them? You know how some people picked Jesse Hogan? If you picked Jesse Hogan, he’s a sneaky POD option this week. Only averages 60 against Carlton, but his career average isn’t great regardless.
If you’re not feeling dicey, I’d probably avoid Gawn – if anyone’s going to stop him, or at least negate the bearded bastard, it’ll be KRUUUUUEEEZZ. Only scored 76 against him last season. Similarly, KRUUUUUEEEZZ is a pass because, well, it’s Max Gawn.
The middle is where the intriguing battle will play out, with Clayton Oliver and Paddy Cripps going head to head. Curnow will likely go to Cripps should he continue to not be suspended for touching an umpire (what the actual frick is going on here?) and Vince may go to Cripps, but either way both are contesed bulls and won’t care for no tag. Oliver averages 112 against the Blues but either way they should both go big in a contested game.
BRISBANE vs HAWTHORN
The GoGabbaGabba, 3.20PM
The Tom Mitchell show is a good one. If you’ve brought him in this week, go full ham and captain him. Macrae was let loose last week, and I reckon Titch will have the same thing happen here. Sicily another option, but the ball might not get down his end.
I reckon you’d be mad to pick Zorko here.
WEST COAST EAGLES vs RICHMOND
Optus Stadium, 4.40PM
Mouthwatering, top of the table clash. Yeo is a good choice, Dusty is not.
Dustin has been down in the dumps scoring-wise for the past month and I’d steer clear until his form improves. Yeo is a decent pick, but I reckon you can do better in earlier games. If you’ve got Gaff, maybe? I mean at a stretch? Cotch a decent option, but no-one’s got him.
Dont’ @ me about Shannon Hurn.
Righteo, community – who are you going with? Who have I missed?