After a week of trying to understand NRL so I could take part in the office footy tipping without blindly throwing away $20, it was nice to shove my head back into footy, because rugby makes no sense whatsoever. How does one do tactics? Is there skill beyond being really big and fast? What’s the deal with this Thurston bloke? I had too many questions.
Unfortunately, after watching two games in a row on my phone screen might now have been ideal (shoutout to the AFL’s broadcast deal which doesn’t allow screen mirroring), I now have a lot of questions about the sport of my heart, and it’s fantasy equivalent. Normally JLT solidifies selections.
Today I have not had much solidified.
Notable absentees: Adelaide – Brad Crouch, Andy Otten, Kyle Cheney, Tex Walker.
Notable absentees: Port Adelaide – Tom Rockliff, Travis Boak, Jack Hombsch, Matthew Broadbent.
Injuries – Alex Keath (ankle), Jasper Pittard (hamstring)
Port Adelaide: 16.2.98 def Adelaide 11.6.72
Port and the Crows had two different ways of going about it this afternoon, with Port keen to get the outside run and the uncontested ball, while Adelaide – on the back of Cam Ellis-Yolman and Rory Sloane – went in and under and tried to bullock their way forward.
In the end Port took home the biscuits, much to the pleasure of Old Mate standing next to the Fox Footy effects mic giving anyone and anyone in Crows colours an almighty spray, which would have taught any kids listening a few fun new words. I hope Josh Jenkins’ mum wasn’t listening.
Anyway, Jack Watts kicked six and looked excellent, two of our best rookies might not be getting games due to playing in strong sides and Jacobs looks to be off most of our lists now.
I also still don’t know which Crouch is which.
There’s a lot of fantasy relevance in Port this year, which is a pity because they’ve got that stupid, stupid bye. They’ve also got some brilliant names in their squad as well.
Paddy Ryder ($566,500 RUC) 102SC
Paddy is a good, solid name. He had a good, solid hitout this week, with 103 points from 36 hitouts. Had the nine contested possessions as well, against one of the better big men in the game in big Sauce Jacobs. Will be one of the top ruckmen this year, and the plan to start Lycett and turn him into Paddy is firming.
Dom Barry ($117,300 MID) 58SC
Never trust a man with two first names. Unfortunately Dom Barry has two first names. Was deathly quiet in the first half but had quite a few runs when the game opened up in the second half and looked quite good. Only 15 touches… I’m not convinced he gets a game in round one with more midfielders to come in. Concerned.
Robbie Gray ($504,300 FWD) 110SC
Played mostly forward with stints running through the guts and in the centre square. Not sure he retains those mid minutes with Rockliff, Powell-Pepper and Boak in the side. Also missing two of the first two games with suspension and that bye. Pass on starting him but in daily fantasy he will go nuts.
Ollie ‘Quadzilla’ Wines ($543,500 MID) 69SC
What happened to Quadzilla? His glistening thighs, with such incredible girth and tension and brute strength? I tried zooming in on my phone screen but only ended up with sore eyes, but I have soruces within the Power that said the Government had to intervene as they were classified as Weapons of Mass Destruction.
So his quads were removed and replaced with acceptable quadriceps, while the Australian Government sold his quads to the Americans to create their next super-weapon. Unfortunately, without his original quads, Ollie is but a shadow of his Supercoach potential. Do not select.
Charlie ‘Weekend at Bernies’ Dixon ($499,800 FWD) 44
I do not understand how a man who has for all intents and purposes been deceased for several years is still able to make such an impact on a football field. Whatever Port have in the water down there in Adelaide, it tastes terrible and has turned a reanimated Dixon into a snarling beast. Gave away a lot of silly frees. Don’t select him.
Chad ($511,300 FWD/MID) 49SC
Chad is a terrible name. Forty-nine is a terrible score.
Brad Ebert ($553,500 MID) 60SC
Sorry Brad. Only 17 possessions isn’t enough unless you’re Cyril, which unfortunately for Port you’re not. Good, honest football, but save it for a draft league in Supercoach.
The Hoff ($479,600 FWD) 85SC
Westhoff had an exceptional game, one of the most versatile players in the AFL. Had 27 touches, a goal, six marks and eight hitouts. Too versatile for Supercoach though, as his role changes from week to week. Nah.
Jack Watts ($416,500 FWD) 139SC
One of the best kicks in the game was isolated in the goalsquare today and picked up six sausage rolls. Looked very good while doing so, too. Wish him all the best for the year, but he won’t be in my side as a key forward. Won’t kick six every week.
Hamish Hartlett ($420,000 DEF) 97SC
Drafted this bloke in a keeper league last night with my first of three selections (at number 10) and felt dirty doing so. Feel far less dirty after watching him in his natural role across half back and pushing up onto a wing. Only had 66 in JLT1 but with Pittard going down it might give him more freedom. Will think about him, but very unlikely considering Port have 26 half back flankers on their list.
Dan Houston ($403,700 DEF) 79SC
Did someone say half back flanker? Last year’s rookie looked very composed and picked up 24 touches coming out of the backline, but only turned those into the 79 points. Felt he deserved a few more, but not enough to consider him.
Darcy Byrne-Jones ($354,100 DEF) 109SC
Well, well, well, what do we have here? Slotted straight into Pittard’s role after he went down and did so with aplomb. Had 30 touches, 10 of which were contested, 76 per cent of which were effective. If it walks like a trap, talks like a trap, and scores like a trap, it’s probably a bona fide lock who we should all slot into our defence? Hello? Guys?
Trent McKenzie ($347,800 DEF) 65SC
Only played the second half and yet picked up 65 points. I did not need this spanner thrown in the works. I don’t even know if he plays in a full strength squad. He can play a third tall and has a boot on him that could launch Elon Musk’s Mars mission. Could be a breakout pick moving clubs. Could be the worst pick of all time. I’m steering clear.
Dougal Howard ($282,200 DEF) 97SC
What a name Dougie has. Alas, he has two first names, and based on today – where he played at full back before switching to the ruck and then forward – we can’t really trust him to play in one position long enough to give us consistent output. Will he outperform his price point? Yes. Is he value? Yes. Will I pick him? No.
Jasper Pittard ($irrelevant, DEF) not muchSC
Did a hammy. Will sideline him for a while. Was a no anyway.
Riley Bonner ($257,000 DEF) 78SC
As pointed out by BIGBOY, Pittard’s injury certainly does give Bonner a lot more job security, but I’m not sure if that translates into more points. He’s only played four games so he’s still a rookie – I’d expect him to average as such. At 250k I’d want someone who will average 85 minimum and with Byrne-Jones, Hartlett, Broadbent, McKenzie and Houston all thereabouts as well I just can’t see him hitting 85.
It’d be a no from me if a ‘NO’ didn’t mean the Phantom getting annoyed with me, so I’m going to say “MAYBE, MR THOMPSON” and stamp your foot really hard while winking.
Rory Sloane ($605,800 MID) 67SC
Only on the ground for 62 per cent of the game, was wrapped in cotton wool a bit. Just going through the motions. Expect him to hit the ground running in round one.
Matt Crouch ($608,300 MID) 96SC
Was playing as the sole Crouch in the side. Only 70 per cent time on ground but did his usual thing racking up disposals – 27 of them – in no time at all. As with Sloane wasn’t really sighted later in the game when Adelaide conceded the game. Wouldn’t be concerned if you’re looking to start him.
Bryce Gibbs ($563,000 MID) 78SC
Fresh off shaving the man-bun, Gibbs pulled out a scintillating 78 from 65 per cent game time and looked extremely good while doing so. Middling price and won’t be in the top echelon of players but he’ll have a good season.
Rory Laird ($550,800 DEF) 91SC
Had 25 touches and every single one was effective. Locked in and the key has been thrown away. Price is genuinely the only reason I can think of for not selecting him. Will be the main man for the Crows in the backline.
Sauce Jacobs ($526,300 RUC) 48SC
Ew. I said in our first podcast, over the crackling audio, that I didn’t rate Sauce as an option. He got towelled by Ryder today and does stuff all around the ground to make up for it. No.
Tom Doedee ($123,900 DEF) 56SC
I feel like Tom’s name should be Todd. I have no reason for thinking this, but I feel miffed that his name isn’t Todd. I’m also a bit miffed that he didn’t do incredibly well today. Only 56 points for his efforts isn’t much to write home about. Should still play and make us cash, but I’m mildly concerned.
Lachie Murphy ($102,400 DEF) 52SC
In the same boat as Doedee. Not that he should be named Todd, but that he should have scored more. Not sure he makes the cut in round one.
Darcy Fogarty ($153,300 FWD/MID) 87SC
Here’s a bloke who did very, very well. Kicked three goals and dominated early. Was eventually pushed back as the loose man in defence to stem the flow for Port, which indicates they want to play him, and might even consider him for that Lever spot when Tex gets back in the side. Not sure he plays alongside Tex, Jenkins and Otten though.
Cam Ellis-Yolman ($263,900 MID) 66SC
Looked really good. Like, really good. His score didn’t reflect that. He’s a mid-priced midfielder. No. Absolutely not.
Paul Seedsman ($300,200 DEF/MID) 39SC
Hahahahahahaha and I thought he was a break-out chance. Hahahaha. Oh dear. I need to stop looking at screens.