Round 21 Supercoach Panic Room
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We’ve been given the finger this week by the Supercoach gods. If you scored a week off this week, you’ve missed something shocking. Something astronomical. I’m not one to exaggerate but this may be the single worst thing to have ever happened in the history of literally everything
Hey you know how the midfield was a thing? NOT ANYMORE, BITCH. Joel Selwood is done for the home and away season. He’s gone. Kaput. Done. Gary Ablett may as bloody well be kaput for all the football he’s playing. Which, for those playing along at home, is practically none.
The tribunal, in the midst of having an absolute mare of a week, decided to suspend Zach Merrett for a week because they hate you. They also suspended Mitch Duncan for the softest thing I’ve seen on a football field since Lance Whitnall’s stomach wobbled out. Disgraceful.
I’m on my way. Appalling. Absolutely appalling. Hawkins getting two is a joke. And don’t even @ me about Zach Merrett https://t.co/2Kzc6zMDPs
— Patch (@PatchToTheMax) August 7, 2017
Sydney captain Josh P. Kennedy won’t return. He’s still injured. He also hates you. Sam Powell-Pepper has been rested (cheers Lazza for picking me up on that)
So good thing you have Alex Witherden as cover, eh? WRONG. He’s done a hamstring. He’s out, which makes him as useless as a one-legged man in an arse kicking contest, which coincidentally is what Brisbane vs Gold Coast will be for Lions players.
Perpetual 2017 disappointment (aside from that one game just after everyone traded him out) Tom J Lynch has had his season ended with a PCL and good bloody riddance. Or he would be IF WE HAD ANY TRADES LEFT. He’ll join Jarrod Witts on the sidelines, who has been confirmed to miss the rest of the season because reasons. I’m too angry and disappointed and hurt to even check any more.
There’s still no sign of Jeremy Cameron, which is concerning for those unfortunate souls who brought him in at my recommendation.
— Tim Michell (@tim_michell) August 10, 2017
Nick Riewoldt headbutted some dude to win a game of football, which would be admirable if he hadn’t concussed himself and caused himself to miss this week, but considering it’s Supercoach finals and he scored 3 points for it instead of the required 25 for kicking the winning goal it’s not good enough.
Speaking of being angry and disappointed and hurt: the tribunal did some more nasty things by suspending several people’s entire ruck lines. Brodie Grundy executed “the perfect tackle”, before getting a holding the ball free kick and a subsequent two-week ban. Shane Mumford also ran through a big, bearded bloke, but instead of letting him do his thing (as they’ve done several times this year) the Tribunal decided they now hate us and everything we stand for, so they suspended him for a week.
Lynch. Selwood. Zerrett. Grundy.
0 trades remaining. pic.twitter.com/fXSAqIaYZ8
— Terry (@TG_Footy_Tragic) August 8, 2017
Then the Tomahawk grabbed some jumper and LA DI DA that’s now a two week sentence to the gulag two weeks of running laps in Geelong.
Shout out to Collingwood for being even more annoying than usual, naming Josh Daicos on a bench, which means they’re either not going to play him and troll everybody by playing Blair and Maynard ahead of not only every male and female player on their list, every netballer on their list and all the support staff, including Gary from accounting, who at 42 is likely to play more of a role in Collingwood’s next premiership than either of those two. The other option is him playing, which will ruin his 2018 price. But what do I care, I don’t even like Collingwood?
It’s been a long week month year.
Jarrod Berry and Pearce Hanley have both been withdrawn from the Q-Clash.
Fortunately there’s good news! Perma captain and Our Lord And Saviour Patrick Dangerfield returns, unless of course you traded him out last week. In which case you’re stuffed. RIP you.
The Chad is back, as is Matt Priddis, Luke Hodge and Sean Darcy. But that’s it. By way of consolation, it’s like throwing a few peas at a starving man. And by gum are we starving.
THE PATCH UP
The patch up is a bit useless this week. I mean, how can you patch up this week’s carnage?
There’s now a new degree of doneness beyond your plain ol’ blue rare, rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well done pic.twitter.com/XBn5M5fokI
— Kevin Horton (@SC_Kev7) August 7, 2017
It’s like turning up to a raging inferno with one of those itty bitty water pistols. And the water pistol is filled with petroleum distillate.
— Patch (@PatchToTheMax) August 7, 2017
I’ve prepared a list of how to deal with this mess.
Cry. Let it all out. It’s okay, it’s healthy.
Step 2. Gorge yourself on your Everything Will Be Okay food.
This step is not healthy, unless celery is your guilty food you eat at 1am after finishing The Notebook for the first time, wrapped in several blankets, in the midst of a mid-life crisis. Chocolate is my go-to, but ice cream also works well for this.
Step 3. Believe in yourself.
Jock has the tonic. Strap yourself in to this. Listen to the podcast again. Breathe. You can do this.
It’s time I made a statement. https://t.co/u3C6Q686ZC
— Jock Reynolds (@jock_reynolds) August 10, 2017
Step 4. Open your Supercoach Side
Realise you can’t do this, and all hope is lost and that your guilty food is in fact donuts because you’re currently having them rain down in front of your eyes and EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE.
Step 5. Repeat steps 1&2
At least until making a panicked decision three minutes before lockout and regretting it.
Step 6. Pick your Draftstars team instead
HEY NOW, YOU’RE A DRAFTSTAR
What a segue. You’re a professional, Patchola. Pity you’re not a professional Fantasy Footballer, but hey, one day.
* note from ed.. there’s a juicy $400 layed on to of the $2 Graduates contest this week. VERY good week to get cracking! See below.
Obviously pending Sunday teams, here I am for the North Melbourne vs Hawthorn clash on Sunday, or the Tassie Clash (apparently?). Tom Mitchell is undoubtedly a lock – starting without him puts you 130 points behind the eight ball.
Shaun Higgins should push into the midfield, and if he can kick straight should be good value. I’m backing in North’s young midfield guns in Ryan Clarke and Declan Mountford, partially because I need to afford Titch.
The ruck battle will be interesting, but I’ve gone with Ben McEvoy due to Norf’s insistence on playing two rucks. Goldstein and Pruess will duke it out for ruck minutes, and despite Big Boy’s bad record against North, he gets the nod.
Who are you looking at, community?
Oh god I’m about to start manically laughing again. What a mess this has been in 2017. So much for ‘set and forget’. Five ruckmen have played every game this year, with one of those being Jackson Trengove, who isn’t really Supercoach relevant.
Brodie Grundy has been a very good pick, or at least he was until he accidentally buried Ben Brown’s head in Etihad’s grass. Stefan Martin has had a few very poor periods when he’s had to play alongside Archie Smith, while Sam Jacobs has rewarded the 5% of coaches with him. Big Boy has been… alright. At least since I traded him in.
Everyone else has been middling average, and it begs the question of what we should do about it next year – I feel like I’ve done well only spending 3 trades there for the year.
In terms of 2017, Grundy has to go. We can’t have him missing two of the remaining three weeks. Bring in Max Gawn or Matty Kreuzer if you can, depending on which your opponent this week has.
Dangerfield is back. Literally no other midfielder is playing. I don’t feel like I need to spell this out. Lock him in.
For the other option (whatever Dangerfield isn’t), The Bont has finally found some form for the Doggies and could be worth the punt against GWS, while Rory Sloane looks unlikely to be tagged by the Bombers.
Obviously though, if you have one of Dustin Martin or Tom Mitchell, give one of them a shot. Now’s not the time for Dicey selections, your PODs should be doing that at this time of year. If you’re feeling dangerous, or need something big to get your side over the line, let me know who you’re going in the comments!
And I’m out for the week, community. Lots of panic, not a lot of help, but that’s what comments are for! Get in, get amongst it, let us know your thoughts.