God is dead. I feel like we’ve heralded the death of Gary Ablett Jnr several times over the past few years, and like the little Bald Jesus he is, he keeps coming back.
But, for realsies this time, we think Little Gary has gone to join Big Charlie Dixon in the Great Bench in the Sky.
Gary’s hamstring has twanged, and while he listed as a test, this is Gary’s body failing him. He missed what would have been his 300th against St Kilda, and only two weeks later is again missing. He missed after the Suns’ game in China. He had an injury-interrupted preseason. That shoulder is still held together with more duct tape than my shoe, and my shoe is 15 years old.
So, after the greatest Supercoach career the world has ever seen, it is time to finally, for the last time ever, say goodbye to the fantasy relevance of Gary Ablett Jnr. RIP in peace, 2011-2017, gone but not forgotten.
Re: the GOAT.
(And no, not Shaun McKernan) https://t.co/2QvinVq2sF
— Patch (@PatchToTheMax) July 6, 2017
With the obituary out the way we can hit the news proper, starting with Adelaide managing future superstar Hugh Greenwood, resting him this week. If you were always planning to upgrade him, now is as good a time as any, but I reckon you hold him. He’s brilliant cover, and could even be an F6 (says he who has no choice but to run him at F6)
As extensively discussed this week, the giant Aaron Sandilands will also miss the rest of the year with a hamstring. Trade him to Max Gawn and don’t think twice about it.
Dayne Beams has somehow been brought back from the brink of death: named for Brisbane two weeks after being nearly KILLED TO DEATH by Shane Mumford’s barrel chest, causing everyone in the footy world to scratch their collective heads. Or, as Al Paton more succinctly put it:
— Al Paton (@al_superfooty) July 6, 2017
Joel Selwood is back, and while not 100% confirmed I’d be shocked if he doesn’t line up against the Lions. His brother, Scott Selwood, has not been named, and if you’ve still got the bastard, flick him. It’s also advisable to seethe with rage after people convinced you to bring Selwood in and you listened to them because you’re the highly suggestable type who caves to peer pressure at the drop of a hat and I need to drop my hat now because all the cool kids are doing it. Now my head’s cold. Brandon Parfitt also returns.
For the Eagles, there’s still no sign of Josh J Kennedy, which is extremely concerning. He hasn’t been seen since he injured his calf during the bye weeks and there is serious concern about his whereabouts. If you have any information on JJK, or Crouching Tiger who is STILL on his rum bender, please call the Bungalow ASAP, if not sooner. However, Matt Priddis is back.
Everyone’s favourite Bulldog Bob Murphy will miss this week with a knee complaint, Pearce Hanley has injured his hammy and Jack Viney’s foot isn’t doing the foot thing properly.
Carlton defensive maestro Caleb Marchbank is out this week with a shoulder, so if for some reason you’ve only just found the password to your Supercoach team you lost in round 8, trade him out. So too is Jake Barrett.
David Myers is back after being good in the VFL, Darcy Moore will miss, Stevie J is out and Jono Beech has been dropped.
Extended bench concerns this week are Matt White, Shai Bolton, potential debutants and members of the Funny Names Club Cam ‘Don’t Mess With The’ Zurhaar, William ‘Ann’ Drew and Ryan ‘Sit Down Son, You Haven’t Had Enough Sleep To Think Of A Good Pun For Nyuis’ Nyhuis.
Joe Atley may also make his debut but has a boring name, which begs the question of if a player debuts without Patch making fun of his name, does he really debut?
The potentially returning Joel Smith is on an extended bench, as is Sam Petrovski-Seton and Declan Mountford.
HEY NOW, YOU’RE A DRAFTSTAR
We’ve got Melbourne vs. Carlton this week in our play at home Draftstars contest, and I finally had a good week last week! Coming in around the 80’s, I was let down by one key decision – to pick Scott Pendlebury.
I won’t be making that mistake this week, largely because it’s impossible to select Pendles this week due to Collingwood, you know, not playing.
This is what I’ve gone with this week, with Liam Jones, full back of the 21st century, as lock at 8.4k. While his game is far better suited to both CoachKings and Supercoach, he’ll still rack up some nice points on an underdone Jesse Hogan this week.
Christian Petracca is my absolute lock in the midfield for Melbourne this week. With Viney and Jones missing and more strength in the forward line, ‘Truck’ is a lock for prime midfield time, and could bust out a 30-possession game.
Sam Docherty, similarly, is a must have, and as much as I’d love Bryce Gibbs, he’s simply too expensive to justify picking. Mitch Hannan and Jeffy Garlett are mainly being picked due to my Boss’ undying love for Garlett and his backing that Hannan is building – as pointed out by Kev in the comments of Jock’s report last night.
1st – $100, 2nd – $50, 3rd – $30, 4th – 35th – $10
The $2 graduates contest is open to all states folks
I’m due to be at work in less than 6 hours and I’m still writing so this is not good.
Dangerfield VC. Docherty C. Maybe Kruzer.
If you’ve got the time on Saturday, maybe see if Scott Pendlebury can rip Essendon to shreds, as I have a sinking feeling Collingwood will do (Varcoe is back, and they’re 6-1 with him in the side #RIPEssendonFinals).
Bont? Nup. Sloane? Not on recent form. Any Doggies forward like Macrae or whatnot? Pass. Tex Walker? Shut up, Patch, stop trying to make Tex Walker a thing. He will never be a thing. JPK? Yeah nah. Zerrett? Maybe. Probably not. Treloar? *groaning noise* Gawn? Would be a brave human.
I need my beauty sleep, so byeeeeee community. Good luck this weekend, and remember to #PutOutYourBaldCaps for The Little Master tonight in his memory. Adieu!
Twitter : @PatchToTheMax