Due to a scheduling error, there will be no introduction this week..
This scheduling error is the fault of the AFL, who insist Thursday Night Football is a good idea despite its horrific implications for fantasy football. IT’S LIKE THEY DON’T EVEN CARE.
Anyway, there’s no time for an intro. This week is ‘nothing at all’… nothing but PANIC
Stupid sexy panicking.
Absolutely bloody carnage this week, for the potatoes this week at least.
Aaron Sandilands will miss this week, and could possibly miss more according to whispers on twitter. I trust whispers on twitter about as much as I can throw Sandiballs, which safe to say isn’t very far.
Absolute superstar and potential Supercoach GOAT Gary Ablett will miss his first game for the year with a shoulder niggle. However, the Suns regain David Swallow and Pearce Hanley.
Nick Riewoldt will also be rested this week after suffering an injury called ‘old age’. As a young whippersnapper, I have no experience with the knobbly knees and awkward ankles of old men. However it’s safe to assume he’ll be out somewhere between a week and 40-odd years.
West Coast rookies Fraser McInnes and Kurt Murtimer have been dropped following the beautiful shellacking of the Eagles by a rampaging Essendon, in which Zach Merrett racked up 37 of the most sublime, arousing disposals you’ll ever see in yo- oh right, sorry. Where was I? West Coast are bad. Also they’ve dropped our rookies.
Hawthorn have heard the call and will be debuting two kids this week, with James Cousins and the exquisitely named Dallas Willsmore to play their first games. Although it’s a bit useless now none of us have trades left. THANKS, OBAMA CLARKO.
Curly Hampton and Jordan Gallucci have made way for the Crows, with Hampton sidelined by an ankle injury. If you have still got him, flick him now.
North big man Brayden Pruess is back this week, just in time for the 15% lucky enough to have him as cover for Sandi *mutters curses under breath*. However, for owners of Todd Goldstein, this is bad news. In other rookie ruck news, Tim English will debut.
Speaking of, Archie Smith has been named on an extended bench. Say hello to a Stefan Martin price drop if he plays.
The rest of the news is pretty much irrelevant, unless you’ve been collecting Collingwood discards, as Daisy Thomas, Sharrod Wellingham and Travis Cloke will both miss.
Also shoutout to Lek for posting the teams on Twitter the second they drop. Makes my life in hostel wifi so much easier than opening every club’s website at 6.25pm AEST.
EVERYTHING’S DIGGING UP MILHOUSE
Mobile sites make it incredibly annoying to check breakevens, and don’t even start me on the Supercoach app. So here’s an abridged breakevens corner.
EVERYTHING’S COMING UP MILHOUSE
You bet your bottom dollar it isn’t. Only three rookies are on the bubble this week, those being James Stewart, Daniel Lloyd and the returning Cedric Cox. I wouldn’t touch any of them with a barge pole, and would go early on Hugh Greenwood instead if you need to downgrade.
DIG UP, STUPID
Bont has a massive breakeven of 165, while Yeo, Dahl and Sloane have breakevens of 143, 142 and 141 respectively. Kade Simpson also has a 137 BE, and Buddy is also floating in that vicinity.
Things are bad for Stefan Martin and Todd Goldstein owners. In fact, things are bad full stop, but in the rucks things are especially bad.
Especially with Sandi gone, some are looking at a donut plus a sub-par output from a premium.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but my biggest regret is not starting Witts. And that’s saying something considering I started with Shaun Higgins.
I’m writing this during the first half of the Geelong/Port game, so I hope you had the VC on That Player That Did Well (which at this stage is Selwood, who I switched from after it looked like he might be a really, really late out because the world hates me regardless of if I’m paying attention or not). Otherwise, who have we got?
I don’t even know who’s playing this week to be honest because I’m in a country where football isn’t a thing (yes, it’s as barbaric as it sounds). Scott Pendlebury’s good at football yeah? Can we make him orange this week? Good, sweet.
If you haven’t got him, have a squizz at Barron von Crow’s spreadsheet because it is beautiful and he is beautiful and I owe both him and this spreadsheet several beers.
— Barron Von Crow (@BarronVonCrow) May 24, 2017
I’m outta here, I’ve got two more days in NZ and I’m not spending them looking at what’s supposed to be my Supercoach side (Le Premium, what the hell is that?!), which is actually just a lot of donuts surrounded by Shaun Higgins and underperforming midfielders. However, I land on Sunday, so normal services will be resumed next week in The Panic Room.