After a week or so without wifi, I cast my gaze over my Supercoach side..
I was at first greeted by sunny green pastures, with fluffy sheep dotted about the page, not unlike what I’ve been seeing in New Zealand. Up in the top left, 1879. not bad for a draft side.
Next tab for my classic side led me to a scene not unlike Mt Doom from the Lord of the Rings films. But not like the real mountain, which I saw a few weeks ago and was lovely and pretty and cool. Like the one that’s on fire and covered in orcs and shit. That’s what my Supercoach side looks like. It’s been a month since I cracked 2000, with an 1829 – being outscored by my draft side – the absolute nadir.
This is why we don’t go away during the football season. The price is just too damn high. The supercoach landscape has fallen apart this year, and without reliable access to the podcast, to news updates, to scores – I’ve fallen to pieces. I apologise to everyone I’m in a league with, and to anyone who considered me an expert in this caper – I told you I was rubbish. I’m just here to report the memes and have a few bits of news thrown in.
But I’m being self indulgent – so let’s get into it right after thanking Kev for his absolutely outstanding efforts filling in for me while I was in the wilderness. Okay community, now let’s PANIC!
I’ve released a new book at the behest of my therapist, Lekdog. I’ve called it Eat Up! How I Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Donuts, because eating donuts is what we’ll be doing.
When it rains it pours
We’ve been hit hard in the gonads this week, with Port Adelaide and Gold Coast having a bye after their game in Shanghai on the weekend.
Midfield clearance tycoon Tom Rockliff has managed to injure himself yet again, and will miss two, plus his bye. Trade him.
On top of that, Dan Butler will miss with a groin – which could well just be an excuse to drop him. Harley Balic has been ruled out indefinitely for personal reasons, and as much as it hurts us, he’ll be hurting more from whatever is causing him to step away from footy and we at the Panic Room wish him all the best.
Speaking of stepping away from footy, Jesse Hogan has been diagnosed with testicular cancer, which is awful news for the kid, especially after he lost his father recently.
There’s also concern from the Essendon and West Coast game on Sunday, with David Myers and Kurt Murtimer named on extended benches. Myers should be safe, but make sure you check the final teams tonight. Jy Simpkin is also out through injury.
On the flipside, midfield tormentors Adam Treloar and Dayne Beams are back to taunt our midfields with clangers and woeful team performance.
Harry Perryman and Shai Bolton make their debuts this week, but I’m not sold by either of them – yet. Perryman does have huge wraps on him, though. For the Crows, Jordan Gallucci and Hugh Greenwood have been named to debut.
Don’t think Gallucci will have much value in SuperCoach, but Greenwood might have a better chance. pic.twitter.com/4ELZD4Or5r
— Barron Von Crow (@BarronVonCrow) 18 May 2017
Dane Rampe and Bob Murphy return, as does Kurt Tippett and a whole bunch of irrelevant players such as Tyrone ‘Sideshow Bob’ Vickery.
One notable concern is Richmond naming Ivan Soldo to partner Toby Nankervis.
EVERYTHING’S DIGGING UP MILHOUSE!
Kev’s rebranding of Trading Places was just too perfect to change back. I love it, so it’s staying. Anyone who objects can spend 3 hours trying to teach me to spell Aykro… Aky… Akyroyd so I don’t have to google it every week.
Everything’s Coming Up Milhouse!
-30 – Michael Walters
-25 – David Myers
-22 – Kurt Murtimer
-20 – Nic Newman
-17 – Sam Durdin
-6 – Jarrod Berry
-1 – Ed Vickers-Willis
Dig Up, Stupid!
212 – Rory Sloane
166 – Adam ‘I’m gonna kick it with my shin” Treloar
161 – Jax Pendlebury
163 – Nick Reiwoldt
150 – Joel Selwood
148 – Nick Roberton
148 – Luke Dahlhaus
I have no idea what’s going on. Stef Martin seems to be doing well. So is Big Boy McEvoy. Pick them.
I totally nailed that segment #analysis
Okay so the VC should be plonked on someone tonight. As to who that someone is… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Scott Selwood has been named, and I’d wager he’ll stride up to Marcus Bontempelli and wear him like a glove all night. My gut says Selwood but my gut also told me to pick up Tex Walker so go Paddy Dangerfield.
For the captaincy, most sides have figured out the way to stop Adelaide is to stop Rory Sloane, so I’d wager he’ll pick up much more attention from here on out, so I’d steer clear.
I’d probably lean towards Scott Pendlebury to clean up against the hapless Hawks, or JPK from the Swans who has played his way into form.
Otherwise, the aforementioned Taylor Walker could go massive against a Brisbane defense with an average age of 12 if you want to “#yolo it up”, which is what the cool kids say these days.
ALRIGHT I’M DONE! I’m still in New Zealand and don’t particularly like spending time in hostels when I can be in places like this, which I hiked up yesterday.
So in that sense, I’m unlikely to be around too frequently, but I’ll pop in sometime in the arvo!
Tell me how your last month of Supercoach has treated you? Who deserves a kick up the rear and who’s saved you? And more importantly can someone pls find me another forward rookie kk thnx byeeeee!
Twitter : @PatchToTheMax