ATTACK OF THE ZAC

The modern rivalry between Geelong and Hawthorn continued tonight in Game 2 of the <Insert Commercial Sponsor> Cup/Series/Challenge tonight and I dare say that all 7 of the fans that rocked up got their money’s worth.

More importantly though: there were 3 fine young men by the name of Zac that frolicked upon the sensual expanses of UOT Oval tonight, all three of them produced ripping games and brought nationwide trouser stiffness to a historic climax.

Zac Tuohy, Zac Guthrie and Zac Smith were superb for the Cats from the very start and I dare say all three will figure significantly come season proper.

They aren’t the only ones though, I made sure I absorbed every last drop of sweet, succulent supercoach juice out of this match-up..

..and I now intend to spray my juice all over you: the sacred community.

HAWTHORN

JARRYD ROUGHEAD| HAW | $367,100 | FWD

Simply SUPERB. Was close to BOG at half-time and played all over the bloody ground. Spent time in the Midfield, worked his way forward and back…even pinch-hit in the ruck when required. Under-priced as all hell and I can guarantee that’s exactly where your headed if you don’t pick him.

JOSH GIBSON | HAW | $490,400 | DEF

I tell you what: they must empty every bottle of bloody Crisco they have onto this bloke pre-game, he was shinier than a rare Pokemon and slipperier than the mole I gunned down during my time as a Sicario for the Juarez Cartel. Quiet SC-wise, bit too old to be considered regardless.

SHAUN BURGOYNE | HAW | $515,400 | DEF

The Sugar Man just never stops delivering. Was absolutely sublime playing wherever required tonight. Finished with 20 disposals @85%, 4 Clearances, 6 Tackles and 1.1. Averaged 105+ over the last 10 games of 2016 and is durable…it’d take some sizeable pant-fruits to pick him though given age and price.

JAEGER O’MEARA | HAW | $318,900 | MID

Had an enormous first half with 12 touches (9 of those contested) and 5 Tackles. Clarko put the bastard on ice for the second half as he should do. Interesting to note that the Hawks clearance numbers fell away significantly after JOM went off…. He will be extremely important for Hawthorn in 2017, are his knees up to it?

GRANT BIRCHALL | HAW | $457,500 | DEF

Started the game like a flaming mountain goat but slowed down significantly. You know what you get with Birchall, consistent 75+ scores with the odd ton thrown in for good measure. I think there is much better value on offer though.

DALLAS WILLSMORE | HAW | $123,900 | MID

Plenty of hype coming in for this bloke, had a great VFL season last year and got his opportunity after half-time. Only had the 2 touches and struggled to get amongst it sadly. Will definitely play another JLT match so I’ll keep watching.

TEIA MILES | HAW | $123,900 | MID/FWD

NOW HERE’S ONE TO WATCH! I really liked what I saw from young Milo the Milkman tonight, he played the entire game as a loose man in defense and racked up enough of the seed (17d @77%) to suggest that he is relevant come Round 1. He took kick-outs at one stage which tells you the Hawks rate his kicking (as do I). The DPP is highly stimulating south of the border and this kid MUST be on everyone’s watch-list after tonight.

GOT YOUR #SUPERCOACH BIBLE YET? SNAP ONE UP HERE

@jock_reynolds @PeterHiggo you bewdyyyy! There goes my life! pic.twitter.com/sywFTEtdUz

— Jaxon Jakobi (@jaxon_jakobi) February 17, 2017

GEELONG

ZACH TUOHY | GEEL | $443,200 | DEF

Probably the Zac of the night in my view. Played an incredibly SC-friendly role running off half back and did as he pleased for the majority of the night. His kicking was exceptional and best of all: his teammates continually searched for him when exiting defensive 50. 33 disposals (20 Kicks) @86% tells the tale of his night, and if that doesn’t get your wazoo woofing: he is extremely durable (Currently on a 90 Game Consecutive Streak). Onto the watch-list he goes.

ZAC SMITH | | GEEL | $421,500 | RUC

A forgotten commodity is Zac Smith. The loping, long-limbed bastard impressed me tonight with his 14 Disposals @89%, 29 Hit-Outs and 4 Tackles. Had plenty of Hit-outs to advantage and is enjoying the death of the third-man up. Did the majority of the ruck-work as well which is good to see. Not sure if he’s anywhere approaching pick-worthy given the numerous options in the Ruck division but he’s still one to think about.

AARON BLACK | GEEL | $137,100 | FWD

If you haven’t already locked this bloke onto your forward bench, I know a very good life coach you can consult (I met him during my time as a Palaeontologist in the Sub-Saharan Tundra). Anyway, he kicked 4.0 and looked very lively in the Cat’s forward line. He will definitely play R1 (barring injury) and at $137k he is a MUST.

MITCH DUNCAN | GEEL | $502,200 | MID

Limited game-time as one would expect. Still managed 21 disposals and 6 tackles from just 55% TOG. Had an average year in 2016 and will look to fire up as Geelong’s 3^rd best mid. He COULD break-out but not really worth the risk at his price.

STEVEN MOTLOP | GEEL | $463,700 | FWD

Stay away from him. Had minimal influence and never looked threatening.

PATRICK DANGERFIELD | GEEL | $716,900 | MID

Went at a canter and still tore the damn thing apart. 27 disposals @82%, 8 Clearances and 6 Tackles. Enormous price-tag but I’d feel very nervous if you didn’t have him…especially when you consider that Geelong’s first 8 games are less laborious than outdoor urination.

TOM STEWART | GEEL | $117,300 | DEF

Did more than enough to suggest that he deserves a bench spot in your defence. Had 16 touches @56% but the poor DE can be written off as first-game jitters. Laid 6 tackles which should prove great as an alternate point source. Looking forward to seeing how he goes in the second dig.

JACKSON THURLOW | GEEL | $267,700 | DEF

Ticked all the boxes for a return game from an ACL. Grasped the nugget 18 times @61% and looked comfortable slotting into his defensive role. Awkward price considering the injury though so I’d think twice and have a back-up plan if you’re picking him.

ZACH GUTHRIE | GEEL | $102,400 | DEF

I’m betting last night you didn’t even know Cam Guthrie had a brother. Well he does, and he’s a nifty little footballer. Played as an extra behind the ball and loved every minute of it gathering 24 disposals @71% including a goal. Only had 68% TOG as well so you’d figure that number will increase in the remaining JLT games…could be a genuine bolter for round 1.

How did you see it tonight community?

MR. X

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