THE PANIC ROOM – Grand Final

Here we are, community!

It’s grand final week in the world of Supercoach and this is what it’s all about – the clash of the two best sides in the league, the fight for workplace supremacy, schoolyard bragging rights, to be the Emperor of the twitter thread.

It’s bloody exciting. By gum am I excited!

Or I would be, were I actually in a grannie.

I had a putrid, disgusting, horrible round 21 and served up 2280 last weekend, which ended any chance I had of making any finals – and rightfully so. I’ve woken up this morning, and for the first time since my Mad Monday I don’t feel hung over!*

*drink responsibly, people. Well, unless you’re a Richmond supporter, in which case don’t stop drinking.

That means it’s time to head down and play some CoachKings tonight and do it all over again, to bury the pain of this long, arduous season.

But on the bright side, I don’t have to worry about all the injury news, captaincy selection, the Big Issues, I can get down the pub and play CoachKings without a care in the world!

Take THAT, everyone who got into a grand final! That’ll teach you… *sniffles* …you idi… *breaks down in tears* https://t.co/PzGnUXUSWD

— Patch (@PatchToTheMax) August 22, 2016

JOCK HAS AN IMPORTANT COACHKINGS MESSAGE FOR ALL OF YOU – CLICK HERE

But, for those of you that didn’t do terribly last week, you’re into the big dance and this is the best week of the year. Let’s get stuck in.

THE NEWS

The big news is Nic Naitanui this week. The big man has gone down with an ACL, and with him the Eagles’ slight flag hopes. He’ll miss the rest of this year (obviously) and likely all of 2017, which is shocking for him, the club and the competition. Trade. Adelaide gun Rory Sloane has been suspended for a week by the tribunal, leaving a huge number of coaches in the lurch.

Fuuuuuuuu….. https://t.co/2oh7UsHiVv — AlexieLekdogBeovich (@LekBlog) August 23, 2016

If you’re a thrifty bugger who’s still got trades left, this is the big one to move, and we’ll have a gander at who we’ll trade in down in the Patch Up.

If you’re not, at least be comforted that the Gold Coast reanimation machine is in full swing, with Darcy MacPherson due to make a comeback for the last game of the year, and Jesse Joyce can score a capable 40 in Sloane’s absence.

Brodie Smith took a boot to the head and got himself a concussion. My mate Luke ended 7^th overall for round 21, and Smith’s injury cost him the do$h this week. Now he’s out. Not the first time Brodie Smith has burnt us, and it won’t be the last.

Sam Kerridge is back, as is Jimmy Bartel for what may be his last home and away game as a Cat.

Lance Franklin has been named, but keep an eye on him in the lead-up to his game this week, as we may see him withdrawn at the last minute after he flummoxed his hip last week.

Bulldogs livewire Jake Stringer didn’t do enough in the rezzies last week to earn a recall and languishes outside the Dogs’ best 22, but we see the return of Matt Suckling.

Freo bring a whole host of once-Fantasy relevant stars back for the final game of Matthew Pavlich’s career, with… well with Aaron Sandilands returning alongside The Pav. Zac Dawson, Tendai Mzungu and Matt de Boer *ahem* never quite reached the same level.

However, this will see Sam Collins miss the last game of the year, leaving many prone to a doughnut if we see a late out in the backline.

Bomber stand-in captain and all-round flog Brendan Goddard returns to shout at teammates and give away 50-metre penalties this week for the Bombers, but we’ve also been blessed by not having Zach Merrett and Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti rested. Orazio Fantasia will miss with a groin, however.

Higgo will be ecstatic to learn Shaun Higgins will return for North Melbourne this week and can again be selected for CoachKings. Silly bugger.

Teams have also done their best to ruin some of 2017’s best rookies in the last round of this year, with Riley Bonner, Will Snelling, Mabior Chol and Brandon White all to debut this week.

Jack Fitzpatrick also comes into the Hawthorn side after the season-ending injury to Jonathon Ceglar. Expect Jack to play forward and back and pinch hit in the ruck.

North ruckman Todd Goldstein has been named this week, but we’re on #GoldyWatch this weekend to make sure he actually lines up this week.

Aaaaand Travis Cloke is back. Dawson and Cloke in one week! If only they were playing each other…

THE PATCH UP

$542,500. This is what you’ve got to play with in replacing Rory Sloane. If you’re missing one of the big names – namely Paddy Dangerfield or Scott Pendlebury – GET THEM IN.

If you’ve got the cash to splash, splash dem dolla bills.

If you’re looking for a point of difference, Adam Treloar is only 8k more than Rory Sloane and averaging 125 over his last 3, with a 131 last week against the Suns and 148 against the Dogs the week before and is my smokie for the week.

If you don’t have Zach Merrett, my boy’s been coming home like a steam train, averaging 115 over the past five rounds, including a 135 and a 132. He doesn’t have the ceiling of many others, but has scored below 98 only once since the bye.

Matt Priddis is also going at just under 120 over the past 5 rounds, and needs to be up and about against the Crows this week as the Eagles try to sneak a home final. Big VC smokie as well, as I’ll mention in Captain McCaptainface.

TWO WEEKENDS LEFT TO QUALIFY FOR A COACHKINGS VENUE FINAL (THE PATH TO THE $50,000 COACHKINGS CUP)

OTHER OPTIONS

Lachie Neale had a blistering return to form last week with 154 to reignite what has been a sensational year in a poor side, Joel Selwood is going at 110 from his last 3 and playing a weaker side in Melbourne at Skilled Stadium, and Bryce Gibbs, as the 14^th highest point scorer for the year, is playing a lowly Essendon side this week.

Patrick Cripps is another one to look for against the Dons, but in a game which is unlikely to be heavily contested, I’d avoid him.

TRADING PLACES

I wanted to take the time during today’s Panic Room to thank you, the community. You guys and gals are the reason I keep coming back each and every week, and seeing your beautiful wisdoms sprouting in the comments section below brings a smile to me each and every week.

I love the lot of you’se, you glorious bastards, and will hopefully see you over summer with your nose deep in stats and your fingers typing out trains of thoughts on the Twitters and here at Jock HQ.

Now wipe that soppiness off your face, there’s still Supercoaching to be done! TO THE McCAPTAINFACEMOBILE!

*trumpet noises*

CAPTAIN McCAPTAINFACE

We’ve got an extended version of Captain McCaptainface this week, because this is so crucial in winning your grand final.

Rory Sloane was a huge VC chance before he was rubbed out for the week, but now the Friday night VC falls on the weight of Matt Priddis’ curly mop. The Prid has averaged 120 over his last five, including captain-worthy scores of 143 against Melbourne and 132 against Fremantle.

However, both of these scores came at Domain Stadium. His last visit to the Adelaide Oval to play Adelaide yielded a mere 105, but with the top 4 in the balance, West Coast will need to go all out.

Perma-captains Paddy Dangerfield and Scott Pendlebury both returned to form last week with 131 and a massive 165 respectively.

Both these two gentlemen are good options for the captaincy this week, with Geelong taking on Melbourne on the Saturday afternoon (which leaves him open to the VC) at Skilled Stadium. Geelong haven’t played Melbourne yet this year, but Dangerfield has averaged 134 at home this year.

Pendlebury is coming up against Hawthorn on Sunday afternoon in prime time. Hitting 113 in his last 3, but two of those were injury impacted, with an 82 and a 94, but is averaging 120 at the MCG this year. The last time these two sides met, Pendlebury scored a mammoth 184, with an 88 and a 121 the two clashes before that in 2014.

OKAY, COMMUNITY: That’s a wrap!

Wait, no, it’s a taco! Or maybe it is a wrap? Yeah nah it’s a wrap for 2016.

So, with a heavy heart, I have to wrap up the final Panic Room for 2016. It has been an absolute blast and I love each and every one of you who cast your eyeballs across it each week.

Massive props of course also go to season debutant Big Carl, who has ripped us – and all the flogs who let our sides down – a new one every Monday, to Lekdog for going out of his comfort zone with the beautiful, majestic cheatsheet and Barron von Crow’s ridiculously detailed rookie scouting report.

Shoutout to Wayno for taking the time out of his entrepreneurial schedule to dial in every single week, and to Schneids for stepping up in our time of need. Ripper human being, that man.

And, last but not least, the Podcast Crew. Jock, Higgo and Crouching have given us what they have given us for five years or so in bloody insightful Supercoach analysis and quality, Brownlow-medal winning banter, but also a BRAND-SPANKING NEW GAME in COACHKINGS.

Sadly, my Mad Monday has continued with me flying to Queensland today (#ThursdayNightWriteUps), so what little time I can spend in the comments will be on airport WiFi – I’ll do my best to get in there.

But in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!

Patch

Mick and the crew at @NobleParkFC PUMPED for #CoachKings Venue Finals. TWO weekends left to qualify!https://t.co/uNdQsMQENV

— Jock Reynolds (@jock_reynolds) August 24, 2016