THE PANIC ROOM – Grand Final

Published by Patch on


Here we are, community!

It’s grand final week in the world of Supercoach and this is what it’s all about – the clash of the two best sides in the league, the fight for workplace supremacy, schoolyard bragging rights, to be the Emperor of the twitter thread.

It’s bloody exciting. By gum am I excited!

Or I would be, were I actually in a grannie.

I had a putrid, disgusting, horrible round 21 and served up 2280 last weekend, which ended any chance I had of making any finals – and rightfully so. I’ve woken up this morning, and for the first time since my Mad Monday I don’t feel hung over!*

*drink responsibly, people. Well, unless you’re a Richmond supporter, in which case don’t stop drinking.

That means it’s time to head down and play some CoachKings tonight and do it all over again, to bury the pain of this long, arduous season.

But on the bright side, I don’t have to worry about all the injury news, captaincy selection, the Big Issues, I can get down the pub and play CoachKings without a care in the world!


But, for those of you that didn’t do terribly last week, you’re into the big dance and this is the best week of the year. Let’s get stuck in.


The big news is Nic Naitanui this week. The big man has gone down with an ACL, and with him the Eagles’ slight flag hopes. He’ll miss the rest of this year (obviously) and likely all of 2017, which is shocking for him, the club and the competition. Trade. Adelaide gun Rory Sloane has been suspended for a week by the tribunal, leaving a huge number of coaches in the lurch.

If you’re a thrifty bugger who’s still got trades left, this is the big one to move, and we’ll have a gander at who we’ll trade in down in the Patch Up.

If you’re not, at least be comforted that the Gold Coast reanimation machine is in full swing, with Darcy MacPherson due to make a comeback for the last game of the year, and Jesse Joyce can score a capable 40 in Sloane’s absence.

Brodie Smith took a boot to the head and got himself a concussion. My mate Luke ended 7th overall for round 21, and Smith’s injury cost him the do$h this week. Now he’s out. Not the first time Brodie Smith has burnt us, and it won’t be the last.

Sam Kerridge is back, as is Jimmy Bartel for what may be his last home and away game as a Cat.

Lance Franklin has been named, but keep an eye on him in the lead-up to his game this week, as we may see him withdrawn at the last minute after he flummoxed his hip last week.

Bulldogs livewire Jake Stringer didn’t do enough in the rezzies last week to earn a recall and languishes outside the Dogs’ best 22, but we see the return of Matt Suckling.

Freo bring a whole host of once-Fantasy relevant stars back for the final game of Matthew Pavlich’s career, with… well with Aaron Sandilands returning alongside The Pav. Zac Dawson, Tendai Mzungu and Matt de Boer *ahem* never quite reached the same level.

However, this will see Sam Collins miss the last game of the year, leaving many prone to a doughnut if we see a late out in the backline.

Bomber stand-in captain and all-round flog Brendan Goddard returns to shout at teammates and give away 50-metre penalties this week for the Bombers, but we’ve also been blessed by not having Zach Merrett and Anthony McDonald-Tipungwuti rested. Orazio Fantasia will miss with a groin, however.

Higgo will be ecstatic to learn Shaun Higgins will return for North Melbourne this week and can again be selected for CoachKings. Silly bugger.

Teams have also done their best to ruin some of 2017’s best rookies in the last round of this year, with Riley Bonner, Will Snelling, Mabior Chol and Brandon White all to debut this week.

Jack Fitzpatrick also comes into the Hawthorn side after the season-ending injury to Jonathon Ceglar. Expect Jack to play forward and back and pinch hit in the ruck.

North ruckman Todd Goldstein has been named this week, but we’re on #GoldyWatch this weekend to make sure he actually lines up this week.

Aaaaand Travis Cloke is back. Dawson and Cloke in one week! If only they were playing each other…


$542,500. This is what you’ve got to play with in replacing Rory Sloane. If you’re missing one of the big names – namely Paddy Dangerfield or Scott Pendlebury – GET THEM IN.

If you’ve got the cash to splash, splash dem dolla bills.


If you’re looking for a point of difference, Adam Treloar is only 8k more than Rory Sloane and averaging 125 over his last 3, with a 131 last week against the Suns and 148 against the Dogs the week before and is my smokie for the week.

If you don’t have Zach Merrett, my boy’s been coming home like a steam train, averaging 115 over the past five rounds, including a 135 and a 132. He doesn’t have the ceiling of many others, but has scored below 98 only once since the bye.

Matt Priddis is also going at just under 120 over the past 5 rounds, and needs to be up and about against the Crows this week as the Eagles try to sneak a home final. Big VC smokie as well, as I’ll mention in Captain McCaptainface.


Round 23 CoachKings Fixture


Lachie Neale had a blistering return to form last week with 154 to reignite what has been a sensational year in a poor side, Joel Selwood is going at 110 from his last 3 and playing a weaker side in Melbourne at Skilled Stadium, and Bryce Gibbs, as the 14th highest point scorer for the year, is playing a lowly Essendon side this week.

Patrick Cripps is another one to look for against the Dons, but in a game which is unlikely to be heavily contested, I’d avoid him.


I wanted to take the time during today’s Panic Room to thank you, the community. You guys and gals are the reason I keep coming back each and every week, and seeing your beautiful wisdoms sprouting in the comments section below brings a smile to me each and every week.

I love the lot of you’se, you glorious bastards, and will hopefully see you over summer with your nose deep in stats and your fingers typing out trains of thoughts on the Twitters and here at Jock HQ.

Now wipe that soppiness off your face, there’s still Supercoaching to be done! TO THE McCAPTAINFACEMOBILE!

*trumpet noises*


We’ve got an extended version of Captain McCaptainface this week, because this is so crucial in winning your grand final.

Rory Sloane was a huge VC chance before he was rubbed out for the week, but now the Friday night VC falls on the weight of Matt Priddis’ curly mop. The Prid has averaged 120 over his last five, including captain-worthy scores of 143 against Melbourne and 132 against Fremantle.

However, both of these scores came at Domain Stadium. His last visit to the Adelaide Oval to play Adelaide yielded a mere 105, but with the top 4 in the balance, West Coast will need to go all out.

Perma-captains Paddy Dangerfield and Scott Pendlebury both returned to form last week with 131 and a massive 165 respectively.

Both these two gentlemen are good options for the captaincy this week, with Geelong taking on Melbourne on the Saturday afternoon (which leaves him open to the VC) at Skilled Stadium. Geelong haven’t played Melbourne yet this year, but Dangerfield has averaged 134 at home this year.

Pendlebury is coming up against Hawthorn on Sunday afternoon in prime time. Hitting 113 in his last 3, but two of those were injury impacted, with an 82 and a 94, but is averaging 120 at the MCG this year. The last time these two sides met, Pendlebury scored a mammoth 184, with an 88 and a 121 the two clashes before that in 2014.

OKAY, COMMUNITY: That’s a wrap!

Wait, no, it’s a taco! Or maybe it is a wrap? Yeah nah it’s a wrap for 2016.

So, with a heavy heart, I have to wrap up the final Panic Room for 2016. It has been an absolute blast and I love each and every one of you who cast your eyeballs across it each week.

Massive props of course also go to season debutant Big Carl, who has ripped us – and all the flogs who let our sides down – a new one every Monday, to Lekdog for going out of his comfort zone with the beautiful, majestic cheatsheet and Barron von Crow’s ridiculously detailed rookie scouting report.

Shoutout to Wayno for taking the time out of his entrepreneurial schedule to dial in every single week, and to Schneids for stepping up in our time of need. Ripper human being, that man.

And, last but not least, the Podcast Crew. Jock, Higgo and Crouching have given us what they have given us for five years or so in bloody insightful Supercoach analysis and quality, Brownlow-medal winning banter, but also a BRAND-SPANKING NEW GAME in COACHKINGS.

Sadly, my Mad Monday has continued with me flying to Queensland today (#ThursdayNightWriteUps), so what little time I can spend in the comments will be on airport WiFi – I’ll do my best to get in there.

But in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!


Notify of
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments

Thanks Patch, bloody fantastic job mate, looking forward to your rants next season, cheers

The Ranger

Nice one Patch, these articles have been pi$$ funny all year.
Have a great off season mate and thanks for all your efforts.
I'll be sticking the VC on Danger and then tossing up between Pendles and Rocky if that doesn't work out.
Oh and Sloanedog becomes Neale for me.


Such hard decisions to make for my finals. Need a replacement for sloane. I can't decide whether to go conservative and pick neale as my opponent has him which means the only difference in our teams are me: zac williams, wines, R gray, hall (or franklin) vs rich (he could upgrade him though), j steven, priddis, merret.
Or do I need to be bold and pick a POD (tossing up between selwood and jpk as have 560k to play with).
Similarly to I bench buddy to reduce differences in our teams or play him and loophole ward with dahl (I dont have a loophole available in forward line unless tom phillips is dropped).


I'd go Buddy if he plays! risky but might get you the chocolates!


And Selwood!


Yes very nice Patch! Very humorous throughout all your articles as well! Definitely benefited from all your wisdoms as well as the communities! Thanks to all!
I have 1 trade left and annoyingly no outs!
Hoping a big name pulls out so ill have 1 up on my opponent in my 3 grannies!

I N Pieman

Superb season Patch. Have thoroughly enjoyed your articles. Apart from captins the only decision I'm left with is to field Kerridge or Phillips. Can't loop them unofrtunately


Favorite article of the week Patch, always a laugh.
Those looking at Neale for Llorly Sloah he is in doubt with a shoulder injuly.


thanks for the heads up


I doubt the journos over at HS would be qualified to tie your bootlaces, Patch. You've been bloody magnificent all season. Enjoy the off season and your qld holiday.

Rumours of a Goldy rest have been going on for about 2 months now. He'll line up this weekend.

Danger VC
Hanners C


Good Job for the year

Boltons Blues

Sloane out, Dunkley my only option, cash league, $330 winner takes all.

going balls deep with Cripps VC, come on you superstud, bring it home for me!!

Don't Blush Baby

Was trading Sloane for Neale for strategic purposes as my opponent has him, but now Neale is in serious doubt to play.

Only have 554k to spend , thinking I go Treloar,Gibbs or Wines ?



Gut says Treloar, head says Gibbs.

I'd go Gibbs if I were in your situation.


Very left field but what about Hodge? in good form, will play that +1 in defence, Collingwood should win the clearances so should see plenty ball down there, don't have the stats in front of me but i imagine that Hodges' career average V the pies would be 110+.


Near sh!t my pants when I read Selwood out but its only Scooter.
Got the option this week to stick the E on Ruggles in def and Petracca fwd and then swing Sucklingpig to whoever spuds it more (probably take a 50 over suckers they way he's scoring when playing)
My opponent has Neale and Buddy so hoping for some late outs.


Yeah typical clickbait by The fact that they didn't say that the Cats skipper was out led me to believe it must be Scooter, but I still clicked on their damn link just in case ha ha.

The fantasy gods appear to be grinning on you so far as it sounds like you are in decent shape heading into your GF.


Yeah its a pity I dropped outta both my cashies last week tho SC.

Shake n bake

Heard Neale may be late out.


Finalised Sunday teams about to drop any minute now.

All eyes will be on Neale, M.Boyd and what happens with the Lions ruck stocks. Looks like West may be gifted a farewell game which would be a dagger to the back of all Stef owners especially after tonning up on his own last weekend.

Even if Neale survives this cut he could still be a late out on Sunday of course.


EDIT: Boyd named along with Neale. Smith and West miss out so good news for Stef owners.

Derek's main man is back in for Freo too so great news all round! 🙂


Already made my last trade, have to finish season without him in my team again. Maybe next year


And the final 2016 single finger salute from ross lyon this week dropping sam collins. Makes no sense.


As Shake n Bake has noted, Lachie Neale is apparently in doubt with a shoulder injury! Keep your eyes peeled on him this weekend!

The Ranger

Not good. Sloane is my trade out this week so he has to go early.
Might have to go with the Bont or Zerrett instead.
Although there's this annoying little voice in my head that keeps telling me Boomer might be worth a punt this week…


who to bring in for sloane.. doing my head in..


What makes more sense.
Make my final trade, Bartel->JJ and leave Trac as cover, which opponent would do as well.

Or wait to see if Neale is late out (we both have him), and jump on Treloar/Gibbs. Which means potentially the last trade goes to waste if Neale gets up.


Trade in Selwood or cripps???


Tossing up between the two as well. Going Selwood.

Shake n bake

Yes smith & west not named.


A pleasant surprise for Stef owners as it was looking like maybe West in particular would be gifted a farewell game after announcing his retirement a couple of weeks ago. Hopefully there are no late changes Sunday to upset the applecart.

Shake n bake

Yeah true, can't believe this is it! Lucky to keep 2 trades up my sleeve with Slone out & maybe buddy. Brought in Bont & Merrett fingers crossed just have to get my vc & capt right and should go well in my grand finals.


Neale named but could still pull out.

As such I am saving my final trade for a Goldy/Neale late out. Already gone Sloane to Corn Boy. Thank the SC gods I kept two trades up my sleeve for this round.


Same boat, Steve. Wanted to go Buddy to Boomer but I have a full premo team this week and I'm confident I will get up in my gf. Holding my trade for any late outs


Rich or Toby Greene?


If Tracca is your mid E and he spuds, you won't get dahlhaus score onto your midfield as you can't shift the E from Tracca, and can't put Dahl on field for Sloane as Adelaide play fri night


Bont or Selwood?




Another classic, nice way to wind up which has been a brilliant read all year.
Makes my Friday and gets the juices flowing for the weekend.

Well done love ya work.

Spectator this weekend only thing to do is grab a cold one and look towards next year.
As you said at least we don't have to worry about the ensuing carnage.


Hi all I need some help as I'm currently overseas and have 1 trade left.. missed the start of the first round due to no wifi so now have Sloane playing with Dahlhaus as the S!

Need to trade Collins but only have $347k suggestions please. I need your help while I'm in a wifi zone!


Zac Dawson logical will ton up


Your options are pretty limited with that kind of budget in terms of fantasy firepower. Either Rosa or WhiteX are the best bang for the buck in terms of season averages. Matty Rosa is as flimsy as balsa wood though so not guarantee he can get through a game, but perhaps has the best ceiling for a <$350K defender right now if you are willing to take that risk.

KK is also available for that kind of money and supposedly an emerging quality defender. But geez he's been disappointing coming off a pathetic 36 last week so I'd probably pass on him as he's had an even more horrid season than Jock!


Jonathan Giles for the first game in the Perfect 9. Surely no one would have picked that.


I took shuey


Me too. Got close.


Don't have anyone that can loophole with if Gawn goes huge (VC), I have one trade left
Do I trade Phillips/Austin/ MacPherson to nonplaying player so I can loophole?

Shake n bake

Who to vc Danger or Gawn??? Maybe Selwood??


In the same boat..cant decide


Want to VC Gawn, but opponent in cash league has Danger captain. Play it safe and move the VC to Danger? Will then have the C on Pendlebury


Same situation for me. Tough decision to make. Also in a cash league and have points to make up. Its a flip of the coin out of Danger, Gawn and Selwood on who will go large today

Locked and Loaded

Parker, Hanners OR Pendles captain if Danger doesn't perform??


I'm probably going to try Parker myself. Pendles looks a great option although not for me as I don't have him.

But hopefully Danger gets 130+ and we don't have to worry about it after that.

Locked and Loaded

Pendles scares me a little only because last week he played a depleted GC side and before that had been performing at lower level… Hawks will want to strike a little fear into fellow finals sides with a strong performance this week


Well like I said if Danger gets the job done the captaincy discussion becomes academic. Already tonned up early in the 3rd so only an injury or a rest in the 4th quarter can seemingly prevent a monster score now.


Going the danger man as my captain over Gawn simply cause of the consistency factor only, & then tossing up between hanners & Pendles if danger doesn't come home with the bacon. Good luck to all .


3 min 52 sec into first quarter, Dangerfield on 38sc

Shake n bake

Can't believe I changed my vc from Gawn to Danger with about 40 seconds b4 the game started!!


Another pair of jeans stretched to breaking point. Danger costing me a bloody fortune this year!

I N Pieman

Danger raises the bat for a ton 8 minutes into the 3rd. Using down stairs as a towel rack!


My opponent took the VC off Danger (onto Robbie Gray) at the last minute. Thanks for the win!


Also pretty happy I brought in Cripps for Sloane. What a gun. Will be in my team next year. Only question is whether to wait until partway through and bring him in since he's shown to start slowly then go bang.


Any news on buddy?


Community is there any chance Collins could get a game tomorrow?


Nah. Not named as an emergency


Even when blues get beat by Essendon, Simpson and Docherty score 100+


Zachy Merret strikes again.


Taking the Rugs 85 and playing Sucklingpig over Traccas 50 odd.
Dangers vc no brainer.
Cats looking good coming into september.


Dahlhaus or Greene to the bench for Buddy. Leaning Greene, both opponents have him on ground, with Dahlhaus as a POD


Another huuuuuge bender coming up for Crouching by the looks!


Menegola is looking like a really decent prospect next year


Tfw when your opponent has Cripps and Jpk


How can Hardwick possibly survive this carnage.Tiger fans should be absolutely filthy with how this year has turned out for them.Cotchin,Martin,Rance,Riewoldt only stars.Long summer coming up then cellar dwelling with the Lions.Another wasted era.


Put C on JPK. He comes through again


He was going to be my C but last week's performance deterred me. Have the C on Pendles but already looping Danger, unless I'm down heading into the Pies game.


Anyone else just lose the grand final because they loopholed Dangerfield with machpherson thinking he did his acl ?
(Macpherson is my skip and he's playing)




Trade out Dahlhouse, Howe, Zorko or Reiwoldt to get Buddy's 134


I'd probably ditch Howe out of that bunch even though he had a cracker last weekend.


Hope ya kept Reiwoldt!!!


Champion data giving ward points for fun, what a joke


Not wrong there, getting an easy 5 points per possie

Top hawk

Hi community,

After a Scheizenhousen finals series, (out is straight sets) in all leagues which hurts, I am looking ahead to 2017.

After finishing at a final rank of 6327 in my inaugural SC season last year, I should finish in the top 1500 in 2016.

Congrats to all coaches which had success in the big leagues. (Liam Mc memes, Muff Divers, Lance Epo strong, Guns and Rookies)

See you next year.

I'll be back.

Top Hawk


Top 1500 is a pretty good result for a 2nd year coach so well done Tophawk! See you around these parts next season.


Glad I didn't bring Petrie in this week


God it hurts when you've been the dominant team in a league all season and get trumped in the granny


Anybody else concerned about Bulldogs possibly taking it easy tomorrow with most likely nothing to play for?


The Hawks game will only be half over when they start


Not concerned, but in fact putting money on Docks to get up in Big PAVALOVA's last game!!


how late can a late out be from the start of a game? Is it 1.5 hours?


Yes usually late outs are announced about 90 minutes before bounce down although sometimes it can take 10-15 minutes for the info to trickle out to the public and thus the fantasy radars.

However outs can technically occur any time right up to the bounce of the ball. Although it's fairly rare we've had a few cases this year of players injured in the warm up and a replacement rushed on to the field.


Should I go Rich to Johannison with my last trade to cancel my opponents jj or should I hold to see if Boyd might be a late out? If Neale's out I got cover with Phillips but my opponent doesn't


Let's not forget the Wells debacle a few weeks back!


Some could be as late as 15min before the game

Boltons Blues

I made the mistake of not changing my VC from last week and it was stuck on Priddas, i didnt have a 2nd shot and said earlier id be going the VC on my boy Cripps, so i stuck the big C on him, he came good for me and only lost 15 points on Dangerman

going into tomorrow
291 points in front, with Neale, Boyd and Dunkley (Sloane cover) vs Rich, Rocky, Lewis, Cyril, Birchall and Bont.

Its going down to the wire, hopefully Rich throws in a stinker along with Birchall and Cyril who can always put in the odd 60 point game

Good luck all those remaining, last sunday for the year, biggest of them all


Cyrill might be key. He will win or lose it for you


I am on the opposite side of that coin. Need Lachie Neale to have a late rest or get the Picken clamp and stink it up and need Rich to have a great game. 5 points behind with just those two as the last point of difference. Damn its close!


Go Ward


Take Kade Kolos 85 or play Gibson? Should have my final in the bag either way but want the best score possible


Do you really think Gibbo will score more? I doubt it..


How good is it when you're in a SC crunch game, especially a GF, and a couple of maligned players reward with stellar performances? Buddy & McVeigh you friggin rippers, I think you just may have won me my 1 and only GF!!


Today is the last day I'll ever have J Steven in my team. I bought him at the byes because he "had a good draw". Lesson learnt, it was the beginning of a downward spiral.
I've put the C on him in my DT grand final, I reckon he owes me one decent game.


Well bad news he's being tagged Robinson


Anyone got an update on Shemm for the big 50k?

From last weeks team he/she has the following concerns this Rd. (i.e 90's or lower)


Who do you think will go bigger for my captain, people does or the bont


Lock in people does


Rocky or Pendle as captain?


I'm going Pendles


I think I'm going to punt Rocky for a big one