add_filter('comment_flood_filter', '__return_false');

THE CENSUS ROOM – Round 21

Published by Patch on

PatchCoachKingsLogo

Bloody stupid thing.

I was keen for the census. It’s the one time every five years when I get to pretend I’m important and that I matter and the government actually listens to me when I say I’m a Jedi Knight with a degree in Garlic Bread Seasoning and sixteen children named Matthew Lloyd Jnr.

But as we all know, Zac Dawson could have made the census run smoother than it did. So, again, the Jock Reynolds Fantasy Football Community will step up to the plate. We never let you down. We never disappoint. We never crash.*

Well, except for that one time Lek melted the servers by recording a community pod so powerful not even a Crouching fly kick could calm the servers. And that time Crouching spilt rum on the motherboard.

So strap yourselves in for the 2016 JOCK REYNOLDS CENSUS!

Please keep your arms and legs inside the carriage at all times, circle the correct answer and don’t tell us any fibs. We’ll know. We always know.

1. How are you going in finals?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

2. Did you captain Danger?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

THE NEWS

  1. How relieved are you that Scott Pendlebury has been named for Collingwood tonight?
  2. Do you have cover in case he’s a late out?
  3. Does that cover come in the form of the returning Jared Jensen or Tom Phillips?
  4. Is Aaron Hall still in your Fantasy Football side? HE’S BAAACK BABY!
  5. How many times have you traded Stefan Martin this year? Are you impacted by his return?
  6. Do you have Mason Cox? Lol, not this week you don’t. He’s injured his shoulder. See, we’ve answered this question for you!
  7. What’s the worst trade you’ve made this year? Was it Max Gawn to Todd Goldstein? Was it?
  8. Did you or did you not trade out Dylan Shiel last week after his groin complaint?
  9. If yes, do you now regret doing so upon his return?
  10. Matt Suckling is back. This isn’t a question, but we’re also not the ABS. Deal with it.
  11. Are you in any way surprised Richmond veteran Brett Deledio is out for the year? If so… why?!
  12. How many children have you given birth to?
  13. Does the inclusion of Matthew Lobbe for Port in any influence your decision to put the VC on Maxy Gawn?
  14. What severity of burns did you receive from Michael Barlow this year?
  15. How many changes did you notice Essendon make this week?
  16. How many of those changes affect you? (Goddard, Parish, Francis?)
  17. What is the sexual orientation of your son’s girlfriend’s tennis partner’s physiotherapist? VITAL QUESTIONS, PEOPLE.
  18. Sam Jacobs is still out if ya got him. You got the Big Sauce?
  19. Are you getting down to play #COACHKINGS this weekend?

THIS WEEKEND’S COACHKINGS CONTESTS

ONE WIN & YOU QUALIFY FOR VENUE FINALS HELD FRIDAY 16th SEPTEMBER

CoachKings RD21 fixture

THE PATCH UP

Righteo, that’s enough of the questions. Now to take the answers, chuck ‘em in a box and lock them away until the Chinese hack into them in retribution for Mack Horton WINNING RIGHT IN THEIR BILLIONS OF FACES. YEAH! THE OLYMPICS! *manly noises* WOO! SPORT! WAAHH!

But seriously, wrench your eyes away from the Olympics. They are the buzz zapper designed to weed out the weak of will and the feeble of mind. They are yet another challenge to taking the Supercoach crown.

The Olympics are the second-most important sporting event on in the world right now, streets behind your Supercoach finals.

And now it is time to do or die. There are no second chances from here on out.

So sit down and look at your team. Really look at your team. Look at your opponent’s team. Leave nothing in the tank.

With Pendles being named, there are no massive holes in our sides this week, but if you’ve got holes, Lekdog’s weekly cheatsheet holds wondrous answers. If not, get amongst this beautiful, beautiful community (who I owe a massive thanks to for convincing me to VC Gawn in the comments section last week) down below and we’ll set you right. Hopefully.

CAPTAIN McCAPTAINFACE

Here are some options who aren’t Paddy Dangerfield for you this week, either as VC or C. Smart money is on Dangerfield coming back

Max Gawn – coming up against an undercooked Lobbe, interstate, with Melbourne on a roll… yes please. Last time Gawn played the Power in The Alice he scored 167 points.

Tom Rockliff – the last time Rockliff played Carlton, he scored 204 points. Could it happen again?

Simpsons Image

The Sloane Ranger – coming off a 141 and a 137, Rory Sloane is in somewhat decent form, eh? Coming up against miserly Fremantle, he could pump out another 125+ very easily. Safe choice.

Scott Pendlebury – don’t do it. He’s injured, just be grateful he’s playing.

Any of the Sydney mob – Any one of Dan Hannebery, JPK or Luke Parker could go off their tits on Satdee night against the Sainters. The Swans – like everyone else – need percentage and will be on the hunt for as many goals as they can. I like Hanners of the bunch, as he’s a smokie to kick two or three sausage rolls, and JPK can tend to back off in easier games.

Dustin Martin – the Tiges sat up last week, largely off the back of this man. Doesn’t tend to go huge against the top 4 sides, but loves the MCG like no-one else does. 123 last week, 114 three weeks ago against the Pies. I’m avoiding, however.

Tom J. Lynch – Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you’re out of trades, looking to field a donut, or are completely out of your depth against an opponent, Tom J. Lynch from the Gold Coast Suns could kick 12 against Essendon this week.

With a host of midfield stars back, and a dysfunctional Don back line, my gut reckons he’ll go 135+. A risk – no, a huge, massive, stupid risk – but I wanted to put it out there.

And on that bombshell, goodnight!

Well, good day. But then I sound like a pretentious, angry Englishman. Which accurately describes Jeremy Clarkson. Hm. This requires more pondering. As does your Supercoach team!

I’ll look out for you in the comments, you beautiful, beautiful humans. Best of luck this week!

WATCH OUR VERY OWN ADAM SCHNEIDER.. WOULD YOU CHOOSE $400 OR 10 SLABS?


Subscribe
Notify of
guest
245 Comments
Oldest
Newest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Hoot

How many of the top 50 or so players will be ineligible to receive the major prize in SC this season?
https://www.facebook.com/supercoach/photos/a.1015

Nervous Coach

Great work again Patch. Your version of the Census is much easier to access, more interesting and funnier that the real thing.
4 trades left. Looking to trade out Jacobs and Petracca. My options for Jacobs are limited to S Martin, Mumford or Z Smith. Options for Petracca are even more limited unless I downgrade him to Wills (Coll), Orkov (Rich) or Menogola (if he makes the final team). However, this would enable me to bring in Mumford or Goldy. Any comments/advice from the community greatly appreciated as always.

Patch

Cheers Nervous! It's a tough one in the ruck – I'd go Martin of those three myself, but none of them are really big wins for you there. But, if you can go Wills simply for the JS – Menegola will terrify you each Thursday night – and bring in Goldy that would be the move I'd go for mate!

Nervous Coach

Thanks Patch. Just realised if I traded Petracca to Wills then I would have to play either him or Phillips on the field in the last midfield position (currently occupied by Dalhous who I would swap into the forward line). Should I bring Orkov instead since he is a dual position which would give me enough to bring in Goldstein.

TRIGGER HAPPY

One for you Patch.

Was it my review of big maxy last Friday that saved your
A$$ and u saw the light and put the VC on the beard?

Don't tell us any fibs.
We'll know. We always know. 🙂

Patch

It absolutely was, Trigger, you beautiful human you. I owe you a beer for that one mate

I N Pieman

Love ya census Patch. Malcolm Turnbull said heads will role & he's probably looking over your article right now thinking your the man to take this thing forward! Who cares where I lived 5 years ago. The right question is how many times has Ross Lyon left you in the foetal position in the last 5 years! That's a shit load more relevant

Kev

You could have a whole bloody section of Freo-related questions Pieman

How many new swear words did you come up with after Ross Lyon rested half the team a few years ago?
Have you ever felt personally victimised by Garrick Ibbotsen?
Has the mind ever drifted to Nat Fyfe during your special alone time?

Patch

Do the words "Greg Broughton" consume you with an unquenchable rage?

The Ranger

Glorious Patch, bloody glorious.
And Harry, oi! Harry! Stop being weird.

Jock

Young Harry – he's proud of his profession isn't he Ranger!

Dean

Great work Patch as usual mate.

I'm unfortunately in a do or die semi mate although I shouldn't be because my plan last week was to trade Mathieson to Menegola and Libba to Sloane however on Friday as soon as Pendles got injured I didn't bother trading as I only have 3 trades, so I decided to play Dunkley for Libba and not trade.
Had I of traded last week and brought in Sloane I would have one my league game and been sitting sweet this week however I decided to HOLD trades as I presumed Pendles injury was allot worse and to be honest I hope the prick is a late if im honest.

I only have 3 trades left. – So my two options this week are as follows:

OPTION 1
Libba to Dahahlaus

OPTION 2
Matheison to Wills
Libba to Sloane

What would you do Patch and the community in general, thoughts/advice greatly appreciated.

Patch

Agree with I N, Deano. Bring in the Sloane Ranger

Jock

Yep – Option 2 here. The entire meat, spuds – the lot – all needs to be whacked on the board this weekend Deano!

Dean

Appreciate all your replies, thanks a ton guys.

Derek nah mate, all I have is $30k in the warchest so not enough to get B Crouch and to be honest, I would prefer Dahlhaus for $100k cheaper, I don't think there will be a great deal between them.

B Crouch: 72,83,51,46,83,83,109,122,89,92,144 Avg/87
Dahlhaus: 98,87,154,105,103,113,113,107,84,119,69,29,71,84 Avg/94

Kev

3 trades left. Pendles on one foot. Do or die semi final. Do you trade him anyway or back him like the champ that he is?

Patch

With three trades, I'd go to the Bont or Sloane. Depends on if your opponent has him, Kev. If he's a mad bastard who doesn't, you're down one there. Could give you a leg up if you flick him and your opponent is stuck with him

Steeeve

My Pendles cover, should he be a late out:
Step one: trade directly to Bont (leaving me with two trades)
Step two: sit back smugly and hope my opponent is out of trades.

OR…

Use Dahlhaus as cover. Means Dahlhaus becomes my m8 and Wingard becomes my f6.

decisions decisions

Patch

Tough one Steeeeve – as I've just said to Kev I'd pull the trigger if I had 3 but you do have ample cover

Steeeve

I know. I scrimped and saved for this cover and now the time might come to use it I'm not backing it in haha. Excruciating.

Jock

I'd deploy the Bont move personally mate assuming you have a do or die this weekend. Bloody Wingard has been an absolute chop nuts

Steeeve

Yeah agree. If Pendles plays I'll hold him and Chad can ride the pine at f7. I'll back in Dahlhaus one one leg over Chad after all the stinkers he's put up this year. Little bastard will probably go for 120 against the Dees now I've said that.

Jock

It's taken me 45 minutes just to map out the family tree logistics around question 19 but I've got multiple answers Patch??

Patch

Just put "Saints Supporter" down mate. It's 2016, we're mature enough to not giggle and those who choose to support the… hehehe… support the Saints
*sniggers*

Mister_Spock

I've got a VC dilemma Community – I reckon it comes down to the bearded barista in Maxy "Yes!I'm up against a second-string ruckman" Gawn, or Tom "Geez I love carving up the Blues" Rockliff.

Honestly I can't decide – Lobbe may steal enough of Max's hit outs that he might not get near the 167 he pumped out last time against the Power, whilst on the other hand, who really knows how Rockliff will go against the Blues given the year that Brisbane is having. With that said, it's hard to go past the fact that he's scored consistently high against Carlton.

Whaddayareckon?

Patch

Can you VC on Rockliff and put the C on Gawn, Spocky? I'm in favour of deploying some serious gonads this week

Hoot

VC rocky this week is a must.
You know what… throw a pinapple on them lions while your there.

Mister_Spock

Geez, will require gargantuan plums to leave the C off Danger…

Moustachio

Danger really steps up against the better sides, he will phone in a lazy 140 for tiges

PlayOn

I think Bolts is smart enough to apply a heavy tag on Rocky with Curnow… Could be wrong, buts it's all about the improvement at princess park

Shake n bake

Was really thinking early in the week to put the vc on Lynch…just might do it!

pod

C on Sloane? Suns play Sunday game.

Saundo

Yep VC on Merrett C on Sloane

Steeeve

VC Rockliff or Gawn will decide a lot of seasons this week.

TRIGGER HAPPY

and then there was 3.
Prestia, Mitchell and JOM.

Brad Crouch off the table – just signed with crows for next 4 years – gotta make BVC happy!

He Man

I can only afford a FWD that's $441 or less. What do you guys reckon? Options are D. Smith, Lynch, Hall, Westhoff, Betts, Kennedy, Dahlhous, Walker and Riewoldt. I'll be loopholing this bloke with Petracca.

pod

Dahl or Betts

Hawks

Dahlhaus

Maestro

Rance or JJ??

Patch

Gut says Rance, head says JJ. Rance for mine.

Maestro

Okay, I'm going Rance. Deep breath, then All in! Only because you're a bombers man Patch.
Cummon boys, suck in that smell of mown grass and let's tear them a new one!!!

KYLE CHALMERS

Sorry been busy the last couple of days but never miss your write up Patch.

Love your work.

Spot on – Olympics are the second most important sporting event in the world right now.

Sure you can win gold but to win Supercoach would truly make you an all time legend.

Andrew

VC on Ward or JPK and C on Danger, Merret or Sloane?

Patch

JPK and Danger, Sloane if you're feeling dicey

PlayOn

Census Form 2016
1. Do or Die
2. Looping someone into Danger – Gawn or Cripps (Cripps POD)
3. Hoping Pendles pulls the pin late
4. Will double-trade to get a gun and Dahl
5. Phillips on the pine but I won't stoop that low
6. Never got on the Hall-train 🙁
7. Had Beard & Nic Nat early and NN to Goldy when he was injured for a bargain
8. Big Cox on the pine – he should've never been in the equation
9. Boyd to Gibson when he got injured
10. Never had Shiel
11. N/A
12. Lol
13. Lids is a spud… Blind Freddy could've seen that coming this year
14. I wouldn't have time to answer these questions if I'd given birth…
15. Matthew who…..?
16. I think we've been burnt by Freo in general this year…
17. Do Essendon play this week? I thought they were banned for the year!?
18. Didn't Goddard retire? Haven't really seen him this year!
19. I think this is self explanatory
20. I'd rather ketchup!
21. Looking to get into CK next year!

Great site guys, the community is awesome – keep it up!

Patch

Cheers mate! Loving the answers!

Hawks

If Pendles is out, who to trade in, choices are- Rocky (said I would never go there again), Bont, Sloane or Cripps?

Patch

I'm in the Sloane boat but Rocky will do very bloody well for you

Shake n bake

Bloody Grimley why are you playing!!

Shake n bake

Funny question who do you think will score higher Martin or Naismith I can't loophole my rucks or vc/capt because of bloody Grimley??!!

Patch

Stef, Shake. Saints have been ruck-killers all year.

Shake n bake

With schache out think Stef will play a lot fwd so prob not to bad.

yellownblack

any chance of stef martini being a sneaky vc pick? or steer clear?

Shake n bake

Not a vc option for me but still hoping he tons up!

Patch

Not a chance for me, yellow

Patch

Adam Marcon dropped for those with him!

Tommo09

Census Answers
1. Week off
2. VC'd Gawn
3. 6/10
4. Petracca, Phillips or Long
5. Yes
6. No he's not, traded to Dahl last week
7. Haven't had him
8. No, haven't had him at all
9. Shane Savage at $451k
10. Haven't had him, I wouldn't have traded if I had him
11. N/A
12. Haha
13. No, very injury prone
14. None, haha
15. Yes, he will be tired in his first game back. Many will dominate
16. Burnt me twice. Never again
17. A lot
18. None
19. Haha lol
20. Nope
21. Nope

SCaddict

Pendles plays!

No late outs for tonight's game.

johnno2908

Pendlebury confirmed playing.

johnno2908

1 hour to make a decision…..

tom

Collins and Adams to cheap rookie and Enright with Rich as mid/def DPP bench cover
or
Adams and Stef Martin to cheap rookie and Gawn.

Marvin

So I'm down to my last trade so final team and h2h knockout so playing each like its my last. I can trade out deledio giving my 530k

Do I go a) hannebery via dpp and play hanners over zaharakis ( plays the Suns this week so could score more than 40…) or b) bring in tmac to def, meaning I only need to play one of Collins and yeo on the field. If b) which one do I play?

Cheers community

Hawks

A. Bring in Hanners, he can go big.

Patch

Would go B and play Yeo, Marvin!

Marvin

Cheers fellas.

Hawks

JJ Kennedy or Dahlhaus, which do we thing will score best over the next 3 weeks

Hoot

I think Dahlhaus.

But as we field him, JJK kicks 10..

I couldn't sleep knowing I had a chance to grab those points…

Can you?

Patch

The Dahl

Don't Blush Baby

Anyone putting the VC on Pendles tonight in the Lin Jong Cup, not for me though

Northernsoul74

Can you confirm does the winner get Jong or lose him? To be fair he played well tonight.

Dean

Who is worth keeping as bench cover Dunkley or Mathieson?

KYLE CHALMERS

I took the community's advice and put the C on Max Gawn and he had the C on Dangerfield.
When we stepped on the blocks I reminded him of Max Gawn's score.
He never recovered.
Whatever it takes.

Hawks

Pendlebury & JJK to Sloan & Dahlhaus

2 trades remaining

Appreciate the communities thoughts

Steeeve

Pendles plays, you keep him. Hear me?

johnno2908

Pendlebury looks fine. Think you have to keep.

Thanks in advance

Doing my head in….. Do I use my last 2 trades to bring in Wills and Dahlhaus. Or hold for hopefully next 2 weeks in case of premium outs.

Patch

What's your side looking like mate?

Pie's Fan

Would somebody, please somebody please kill Buckley!!!

johnno2908

Pendles playing a lot forward 🙁

SCaddict

May be having some mobility issues with that ankle perhaps??

Pie's Fan

Phil Walsh didn't deserve to be murdered, but Buckley does, please oh please someone kill him!

NorthMelb

If Dalhousie score well (which looks to be the case) who would I bench out of wi hard (wingard) and hall

Patch

Wingard for mine

pod

agree, Hall better player

Keenbutclueless

All week I had Stef Martin to Grundy and Lycett to dahlhaus. Today I really convinced myself that Hall was a great POD, especially playing Essendon this week, so went Lycett to Hall and kept Stef. Halfway through the first game of the round and already got a case of i can't bear to watch

Shake n bake

At the moment starting Pendels on the pine with the E on him might have been a wise decision!

Derek

Did the same.
Think I might leave him there and give Motlop a run on field.

Patch

This Moore kid can play, eh!

Those who traded Pendles will be loving life!

johnno2908

Played safe and kept Pendles instead of trading to Bont… Absolutely no balls. Its gonna be a tough few weeks to watch I reckon.

hedski

First mistake was fielding Suckpig over Ruggles/Collins.
Bont Dahl and Treloar motoring along though.
Good game.

pod

looking good

TRIGGER HAPPY

Far out billy picken can tackle, cracking game under the roof.

Northernsoul74

Not a fashionable player but had a great season.

Shake n bake

Pendles still might be scaled to 100.

SCaddict

Yeah no thanks to Bucks playing him mainly forward in the 1st half. Did recover nicely in the 2nd half when allowed to go to work on ball.

Shake n bake

So true I have danger Selwood Sloane Priddas Shiel Parker Hanners Cripps to play so might just leave Pendles on the pine?

Glenn

Take Howes 97 or play franklin vs the saints

pod

97 pretty good, do you need to risk?

Tom

Treloar and bontt have given me a fair good stiffy to start the round!

Chumpion

Take Bont's 137 as VC or put the big C on Gawn against port?

pod

274 in the bank, no brainer

hedski

VC'd Bont so pretty stoked none of my opponents have him will bank that. 584 with cap counted had Dahl Treloar and stinkin Suckpig too.
18 to play. Thought the pies were gonna snatch that one. Glad they didn't.

Hawks

Don't have a captains loophole this week.

Who to captain, Gawn or Dangerfield?

pod

Danger safe bet, Gawn due for spud day.

Tom

Gawn. Averages around 150 interstate, scored 167 against port last time, and they don't even have a good ruckman

Glenn

Play Reiwoldt or Buddy this week