Bloody stupid thing.
I was keen for the census. It’s the one time every five years when I get to pretend I’m important and that I matter and the government actually listens to me when I say I’m a Jedi Knight with a degree in Garlic Bread Seasoning and sixteen children named Matthew Lloyd Jnr.
But as we all know, Zac Dawson could have made the census run smoother than it did. So, again, the Jock Reynolds Fantasy Football Community will step up to the plate. We never let you down. We never disappoint. We never crash.*
Well, except for that one time Lek melted the servers by recording a community pod so powerful not even a Crouching fly kick could calm the servers. And that time Crouching spilt rum on the motherboard.
So strap yourselves in for the 2016 JOCK REYNOLDS CENSUS!
Please keep your arms and legs inside the carriage at all times, circle the correct answer and don’t tell us any fibs. We’ll know. We always know.
- How relieved are you that Scott Pendlebury has been named for Collingwood tonight?
- Do you have cover in case he’s a late out?
- Does that cover come in the form of the returning Jared Jensen or Tom Phillips?
- Is Aaron Hall still in your Fantasy Football side? HE’S BAAACK BABY!
- How many times have you traded Stefan Martin this year? Are you impacted by his return?
- Do you have Mason Cox? Lol, not this week you don’t. He’s injured his shoulder. See, we’ve answered this question for you!
- What’s the worst trade you’ve made this year? Was it Max Gawn to Todd Goldstein? Was it?
- Did you or did you not trade out Dylan Shiel last week after his groin complaint?
- If yes, do you now regret doing so upon his return?
- Matt Suckling is back. This isn’t a question, but we’re also not the ABS. Deal with it.
- Are you in any way surprised Richmond veteran Brett Deledio is out for the year? If so… why?!
- How many children have you given birth to?
- Does the inclusion of Matthew Lobbe for Port in any influence your decision to put the VC on Maxy Gawn?
- What severity of burns did you receive from Michael Barlow this year?
- How many changes did you notice Essendon make this week?
- How many of those changes affect you? (Goddard, Parish, Francis?)
- What is the sexual orientation of your son’s girlfriend’s tennis partner’s physiotherapist? VITAL QUESTIONS, PEOPLE.
- Sam Jacobs is still out if ya got him. You got the Big Sauce?
- Are you getting down to play #COACHKINGS this weekend?
ONE WIN & YOU QUALIFY FOR VENUE FINALS HELD FRIDAY 16th SEPTEMBER
THE PATCH UP
Righteo, that’s enough of the questions. Now to take the answers, chuck ‘em in a box and lock them away until the Chinese hack into them in retribution for Mack Horton WINNING RIGHT IN THEIR BILLIONS OF FACES. YEAH! THE OLYMPICS! *manly noises* WOO! SPORT! WAAHH!
But seriously, wrench your eyes away from the Olympics. They are the buzz zapper designed to weed out the weak of will and the feeble of mind. They are yet another challenge to taking the Supercoach crown.
The Olympics are the second-most important sporting event on in the world right now, streets behind your Supercoach finals.
And now it is time to do or die. There are no second chances from here on out.
So sit down and look at your team. Really look at your team. Look at your opponent’s team. Leave nothing in the tank.
With Pendles being named, there are no massive holes in our sides this week, but if you’ve got holes, Lekdog’s weekly cheatsheet holds wondrous answers. If not, get amongst this beautiful, beautiful community (who I owe a massive thanks to for convincing me to VC Gawn in the comments section last week) down below and we’ll set you right. Hopefully.
Here are some options who aren’t Paddy Dangerfield for you this week, either as VC or C. Smart money is on Dangerfield coming back
Max Gawn – coming up against an undercooked Lobbe, interstate, with Melbourne on a roll… yes please. Last time Gawn played the Power in The Alice he scored 167 points.
Tom Rockliff – the last time Rockliff played Carlton, he scored 204 points. Could it happen again?
The Sloane Ranger – coming off a 141 and a 137, Rory Sloane is in somewhat decent form, eh? Coming up against miserly Fremantle, he could pump out another 125+ very easily. Safe choice.
Scott Pendlebury – don’t do it. He’s injured, just be grateful he’s playing.
Any of the Sydney mob – Any one of Dan Hannebery, JPK or Luke Parker could go off their tits on Satdee night against the Sainters. The Swans – like everyone else – need percentage and will be on the hunt for as many goals as they can. I like Hanners of the bunch, as he’s a smokie to kick two or three sausage rolls, and JPK can tend to back off in easier games.
Dustin Martin – the Tiges sat up last week, largely off the back of this man. Doesn’t tend to go huge against the top 4 sides, but loves the MCG like no-one else does. 123 last week, 114 three weeks ago against the Pies. I’m avoiding, however.
Tom J. Lynch – Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you’re out of trades, looking to field a donut, or are completely out of your depth against an opponent, Tom J. Lynch from the Gold Coast Suns could kick 12 against Essendon this week.
With a host of midfield stars back, and a dysfunctional Don back line, my gut reckons he’ll go 135+. A risk – no, a huge, massive, stupid risk – but I wanted to put it out there.
And on that bombshell, goodnight!
Well, good day. But then I sound like a pretentious, angry Englishman. Which accurately describes Jeremy Clarkson. Hm. This requires more pondering. As does your Supercoach team!