THE PANIC ROOM – HELL
Community, I have a confession to make.
We’re out a little bit late this week, and I’ve told Jock it was because work kept me back late last night and it knocked me out of whack.
I’ve always found the best lies are wrapped in a slither of truth. I am indeed out of whack, but work did not keep me.
No, I’m late this week because I looked at the team selections this morning and cried.
I lay in the foetal position and caused a flood far greater than the dreary skies that have lashed this damp, muddy country could ever muster.
I’ve had master tutelage. I’ve learnt from the best. Jock took me under his wing and showed me the Ways of Fantasy Sport.
Crouching has taken me to the jungles of South-East Asia and pushed me to my physical limit. He bestowed on me the knowledge of the fly-kick.
Higgo taught me mathematics behind the comprehension of mortal minds – in fact, years before the Higgs-Boson or ‘God’ particle was announced as an integral part of all matter, our dear friend Peter told me of the Higginbotham Particle, or the “Gaz” particle, which showed Gary Ablett Jnr makes up every successful supercoach side.
After all this, I opened my side this morning to find sixteen. bloody. players.
I promptly took a very long and very hot shower.
I am ashamed.
Now is not the time for self-pity. Lockout has begun, which means trades cannot be reversed. For the next three weeks, we will be subject to locking our trades in before we know the teams – or we trade around this annoying spectacle that is Thursday night football.
Although, the brilliant thing that comes with Thursday football is the Jock Reynolds crack commentary team. They were a huge selection for our lives this week, and for the quarter I was able to stream at work it was 100% top notch.
Onto team selections – Daniel Wells missed last night’s match with a dodgy calf. Hopefully after the bye next week he’ll be a-ok for the rest of the reason. Hopefully.
The BIG news this week is Dayne Zorko is missing from Brisbane’s lineup for personal reasons, which is a huge blow to them, and to us in the toughest week of the year. Cyril Rioli is also attending a funeral up north, and will miss this week’s game.
Jacob Hopper is OUT, being managed. From what, who knows. Sam Reid has also been dropped for those looking for a rookie this week.
For those poor sods still with Suns rebounder Kade Kolodjashnij, he’s going to miss this week with concussion, possibly from ramming his head against the wall in order to rediscover his form.
Ben Crocker, Corey Ellis and Daniel Rioli are all out for a variety of reasons – Rioli joining cousin Cyril up north – and anyone who picked up Daniel Gorringe will have to find a way to cope with his hip injury as he will miss this week.
Gold Coast dynamo Aaron Hall returns after running rampant in the NEAFL. Let’s hope Rocket puts him back in the midfield against the Hawks.
Luke Hodge has been selected for the Hawks this week, which hopefully will not come at the expense of rookie Kade Stewart. I’d think he’d be reasonably safe, but you never know with the Hawks.
Those still holding Connor Spudadue Menadue rejoice, for he will be blessing us with another 30 this week as Richmond have – for some unfathomable reason – selected him again. Which would be great news for me if I hadn’t traded him out at lunchtime yesterday. WHO’S THE POTATO NOW, PATCH?
(Speaking of me being a potato, I missed Rhys Mathieson‘s return to the Lions side. He’s been picked! Cheers to Reece for pointing that one out for me, as I the names were a bit blurry through the tears.)
THE PATCH UP
Patch’s helpful visual guide to surviving this week:
Whatever I write here would be far surpassed by Lekdog’s magnificent, beautiful thing of a cheat sheet. Go look at it.
That’s not a suggestion. If you’ve kept scrolling and haven’t looked at this week, move your mouse back up and click on the hyperlink.
I’m not going to tell you again.
-31 – Sam J. Reid (DROPPED)
-24 – Kade Stewart
-22 – Jack Trengove
-18 – Toby Nankervis
-16 – Aliir Aliir
1 – Logan Austin
4 – Bailey Williams
13 – Tom Ruggles
24 – Jayden Short
199 – Bryce Gibbs
168 – Todd Goldstein
168 – Adam Treloar
160 – Lachie Neale
160 – Scott Lycett
154 – Dylan Shiel
148 – Callan Ward
142 – Heath Shaw
137 – Scott Pendlebury
To anyone who put the VC on Goldy last night – yeah nah let’s not take the 99.
Let’s put the C on Paddy Dangerfield. He’s averaging 147.5 over his past five and a MAMMOTH 175.3 over his last three. Ca-ching.
For those still with the VC to slap around, I’d have a gander at Scotty Pendlebury tonight or, if you’re feeling really dicey, Michael Barlow, who is averaging 125 over his last three.
I would avoid Dustin Martin, as he’ll get the Mitch Robinson tag this week.
Just as the tears have dried I feel them coming on again… if Dusty has a shocker I might not be seen for a week. I brought him in this week and didn’t even think about the Robbo tag. BREAK IT SON. If not for your sake, for mine.
I know you’re reading, Dusty. I believe in you, son.
And community, I believe in you. Do me bloody proud this week. Hold your heads higher than mine.
We will survive.
The Thursday Night PLAY AT HOME Winners
Thanks to the MASSES of Community stalwarts who jumped in and had their first crack at the CoachKings special Thursday night Play at Home game – get down to your local to play and feel free to jump in again for the next three Thursday night home sessions. It’s bloody FREE and its bloody FUN – Get around it folks!
Rd.1 4 CoachKings Fixture
5.00 EDIT: I AM DOWN TO 15 MEN. KADE STEWART IS OUT. F&#*ING HELL.
I’m sick of this round already, so I’m going to head down to my local tonight and try and win a thousand dollarydoos to make myself feel better.