THE PANIC ROOM – Round 9
Lost for words.
That’s how I was on Sunday night when it became evident many of our stars wouldn’t be making their ways back into our sides.
On Monday it was panic stations already at news of suspensions and the Great Bald One rumoured to miss.
By Tuesday I was done.
Now, I’m simply lost for words.
— Patch (@PatchToTheMax) May 19, 2016
But before I get into how many donuts we’ll all be shoving into our mouth holes this week, I have a message for Ross Lyon.
You, sir, can get stuffed.
For too long have you stuffed with our Fantasy sides. For years, your late withdrawals, your resting of players, your final round slaughter of our sides have brought us to tears.
I’m putting my foot down. No more.
I’m not letting a player you coach enter my Supercoach side until you win a premiership, which to say means I will not be selecting any Fremantle players for the next five years.
(On revision, Nat Fyfe is the exception.)
Boy oh boy. What a week. Oh god.
We opened up last week with what was for many one of the worst rounds in memory. All of our rookies suddenly needed trading out at once, and as Barron von Crow pointed out in his ripping rookie report yesterday everyone’s breakeven has hit their average this week.
On top of that, a huge host of stars will miss. Right at the top of the list is former Supercoach God and banner-flyer for baldies everywhere Gary Ablett is struggling with concussion and won’t play this week.
On top of that, stablemate Aaron Hall is battling a shoulder and will miss. Continuing the carnage up forward, Daniel Wells is yet to overcome his Achilles injury and will miss another one or two.
ROSS BLOODY LYON has kept Michael Barlow out of the Fremantle side this week, despite Barlow racking up 39 touches and twelve marks in the twos. Outrageous.
Then, to add salt to the already festering wound, the match review panel hit many of us in the gut by banning Bulldog defender Matthew Boyd out for a week, as long as the slightly less relevant Jack Redpath and Nevile Jetta.
Both the Crouch brothers have been dropped, so if you’re still holding Matt or Brad Crouch, flick them has hard as you can back home to Flogville (and no, that’s not supposed to be a dig at Adelaide. I love boring cities with water you can’t drink. They’ve my favourite types of cities.)
On the rookie front, Tom Papley, Tom Ruggles and Corey Ellis have all been dropped, and Daniel Rioli will miss with family illness. Paps is listed as a shin, but we all know his performances haven’t quite been up to scratch and he won’t be back any time soon.
ON TOP OF THIS, ZACH MERRETT TWINGED A CALF AT TRAINING. I was okay until that, but that is the final straw. I’m done. He’s been named, but I’m expecting him to miss this week, which means I’m finally admitting defeat and crawling into the corner with everyone else.
In case you thought it couldn’t get any worse, Max Gawn popped on the Marngrook Footy Show last night and said he was carrying niggles. He didn’t say he would miss but holy moly what a week to casually pop that into the conversation.
On the flipside, Robbie Gray finally returns, to the delight of those that kept him and the salivation of everyone who doesn’t. Keiran Collins has been named to debut for the Dogs, as Marcus Adams is due to miss another week or two.
Ryan Davis returns for the Gold Coast, Cyril is also back to spread his delicious ball use back onto the football field, Jacob Weitering is back and Toby Greene has been named, albeit on an extended bench. But that’s about it.
Oh wait, Zac Dawson is also back. WE’RE SAVED.
1.00 UPDATE: Hold the phone, Ross is up to more tricks. Barlow and De Boer have not been named for Peel Thunder, and the weather will be dreadful in Perth this weekend. Does this mean a late recall is on the cards? I don’t even know any more. I don’t care. I just want Ross out of my life and out of my team, but I would suggest holding Barlow at this stage (despite giving advice contrary to that not a few hours ago) if you’re in danger of copping a donut.
THE TALKING POINT
A handy guide for Not Finding Yourself Crying At The Bottom Of Your Shower
- Don’t look at your Supercoach team
- Ignore everything related to football
- Log in on Sunday night and see you’ve scored 1600
- Cry at the bottom of your shower
The talking point this week is simply a scramble to avoid as many donuts as possible.
Who you should bring in a tough question; Darcy MacPherson is a rookie with good job security, and I don’t rate Ben Crocker high on the rookie list. I’m very keen on Bailey Williams, but as he’s on an extended bench this week I’m waiting until he’s on the bubble. I’d also wait on Jacob Hopper.
Matt Priddis should be high on people’s radar, as should old Geelong hands in Jimmy Bartel and Corey Enright in the backline.
Dayne Zorko is the must have forward as his stats are absolutely outstanding. I mean just look at them. Low score of 102; he is carrying a bad side and doing it very, very dependably. Lock.
If you’re all over him and need someone else, Leigh Montagna is also an extremely viable point of difference.
I’m running very short on time this week, so will advise you check out Barron von Crow’s excellent rookie scouting report for the rookie breakevens and stellar advice on who to drop first.
On the premium side, Luke Parker (181), Sam Mitchell (157), Brett Deledio (150) and Callan Ward (138) are all set to drop like Dan Aykroyd, as is Robbie Gray with his breakeven over 200.
Seems to have stuck as the name, with the comical name suiting my comical attempts to select a captain each week.
I’d keep it simple and go Dangerfield into Goldstein. Scott Pendlebury has also had a great run over the past few weeks and Buddy could – as always – go big against an inexperienced Hawthorn backline.
However, my smokie for the week is Heath Shaw against the Dogs. He’s had a good couple of weeks and my gut says he’ll like playing the Dogs.
Although with my gut that probably means he’s full of chocolate and you should avoid him like the plague.
Let me know who you’re going with!
That’s it from me, community. May the Supercoach gods have mercy on us this week.