RD5: The Heroes. The Villains. The Damned.
The biff is back.
In a round where a number of epic melees dominated the AFL landscape, many rejoiced in the fact the masculine side of the game has made a spirited comeback.
There was also plenty of biff SuperCoach-wise as well, Community.
Big Maxy Gawn biffed Ivan Maric into oblivion, while the dynamic duos of Selwood / Dangerfield and Sidebottom / Pendlebury absolutely walloped Port Adelaide and Essendon respectively.
It was another ripping CoachKings round as well, with Tom “Bigdog” Rolton from the Morphett Arms Hotel biffing all opponents comfortably to triumphantly take home the round win on a MASSIVE 1155 CoachKings. Word is Tom will be on the podcast with Jock, Crouching and Higgo tomorrow.
— Jock Reynolds (@jock_reynolds) April 25, 2016
Max Gawn (156 SC)
Has publicly stated he wants to become the AFL’s number one ruckman and boy did he make a statement on Sunday night. Gawn owners were like Monty Burns pictured below when they saw his score on 128 at half-time. Could have been so much more, but gave away a couple of free kicks when the game was already won. Still an absolute behemoth performance.
Steele Sidebottom (155 SC)
The great Sidebum was back to his best on ANZAC Day as he cruised around, racking up touches and sharking goals at will. Four majors to go with 33 possessions in a best on ground performance. Could be a legit replacement for Fyfe is he keeps this sort of form up.
Luke Parker (129 SC)
Is cementing his status in the top echelon of midfielders in the competition. After sitting on around 80 at half-time was unlucky not to score more. Has laid to rest doubts as to whether he will be top eight midfielder this season. Get him in your side.
Joel Selwood (138 SC), Patrick Dangerfield (137 SC), Jack Viney (135 SC), Toby Greene (129 SC), Kade Simpson (128 SC), Todd Goldstein (124 SC).
Josh “Lock Down” Gibson (56 SC)
A harsh lesson to all those who locked him in after his big 191 in Round 2. Gibbo is a defender who likes to run free, but every now and then he will still get a lock-down role. Although his opponent Taylor Walker did not set the world on fire, he still required close marking from Gibbo, resulting in a low score.
Robbie “The Grouch” Gray (56 SC)
Has looked very angry the last couple of weeks. His team is shit and he is fuming about it, as you can tell by the picture below. If you have him, I’m not saying trade him by any stretch of the imagination. But if Port keep playing like this and Robbie keeps getting angry, it will become concerning. Please bounce back soon, Rob.
Zach “Stage Fright” Merrett (49 SC)
Few would have predicted such a dramatic fall from grace. Previously the darling of the SuperCoach community, Merrett was tipped to have a big impact on ANZAC Day. Sadly it was not to be, as the young man, like the majority of his team-mates, looked completely overwhelmed by the occasion.
Bacher “Ticker” Houli (46 SC)
I have allocated a fourth position in this category purely to point out how extremely disappointing Bacher has been for the past two weeks. Started the season in spectacular fashion, leading many to pre-empt him to be some sort of defensive saviour. Sadly, Bacher then proceeded to produce two of the most insipid performances in SuperCoach history.
Matt Priddis (84 SC), David Zaharakis (80 SC), Darcy Parish (50 SC).
Heath Shaw (132 SC)
Those who own Shaw would be pleased with his reinvigoration, while non-owners will be looking to pick him up this week at a discounted price following his sub-par 70-odd last week. They can do so knowing that he is back in form and still capable of taking the position as number one defender by season’s end.
Ollie Wines (123 SC)
Many lost faith and jumped off and the man with a glistening quads would have taken great pleasure in proving them wrong. Back to his contested best, with a whopping 10 tackles to go with his 24 touches. Is slowly rejuvenating.
Michael Barlow (128 SC)
The potential loss of Fyfe could be a blessing in disguise for young Michael. If he keeps scores like this up, those who kept him will be rejoicing. 32 touches with 14 tackles. Would have been an even higher score if he didn’t handball so much. Still, looks like vintage Barlow is back. Hallelujah.
Scott Pendlebury (120 SC), Tom Mitchell (113 SC).
Darcy Byrne-Jones (102 SC)
A small beacon of hope in an otherwise deplorable Port Adelaide side. Looks extremely mature for a bloke who has played just three games. Provides plenty of run from defence and wants the ball in his hands. Play him on your field this week.
Tom Papley (78 SC)
The Papsmear seemed to thrive in the wet and proved to those owners who kept him that there is still some cash growth in him yet. Two goals, eight marks and 20 touches capped off a good return to form.
Lincoln McCarthy (79 SC)
Like the majority of his team-mates, enjoyed a nice stroll in the park against an insipid Port Adelaide which helped him to a good score. Also proved how foolish Brad Scott was to drop him in the first place last week. Snagged a couple of majors as well.
George Hewett (70 SC), Mason Cox (70 SC).
Nat “Durability” Fyfe (50 SC)
Don’t get me wrong, I love the bloke. At his best he is the most majestic plyer in the competition. But he seems to pick up niggles and injuries consistently. Will be out for an extended period with his latest leg injury. Sadly, his owners must look to…
— Jock Reynolds (@jock_reynolds) April 25, 2016
Ben “Care Factor Zero” Kennedy (50 SC)
Was he even playing? Only time I saw him was when he was sitting on the bench, and he looked pretty comfortable there. Didn’t appear to have any desire to get back out there and stop his SuperCoach owners from being a complete laughing stock. An absolute disgrace.
Alex “Elbows” Rance (86 SC)
Still a possible top six defender, but Rance owners will face a difficult decision with the key backman set for a stint on the sidelines after the elbow incident on Jack Watts. It was a bizarre and irrational act, something not thought possible from a man of such pristine looks.
Dustin Martin (70 SC), Tom Ruggles (50 SC), Sam Gray (47 SC), Matt Dea (42 SC), Connor Menadue (36 SC).