Here we are, community! Round one has come and gone, our sides are locked in and the REGRET has begun.
The regret of picking Shannon Hurn over Brodie Smith, the regretful thought that Ben Kennedy was too expensive, and of course, the big one for many of us – including the great man Jock Reynolds himself – the decision to not select Gary Ablett Jnr.
Some of us had a great weekend, including inner sanctum member Maso, who clocked up a mammoth 2451 this week, while for others – my side of potatoes included – the sweetest thing we got close to was chocolate.
Scott UndePendlebury, Tom Rockliff, Heath Shaw, Teen Wolf Fyfe and sidekick/Brownlow date Michael Barlow and The Butcher of Blacktown, Toby Greene, all had stinkers.
But one week does not maketh the human. Round one is where those with luck often shine, before being brought down to earth as point of difference calls like Josh J Kennedy, David Zaharakis, Kane Lambert and Tom Hickey – who I will discuss – fall back to Earth.
Or at least I bloody well hope so.
Anyway. This is the panic room! What the blazes are we doing around carefully analysing stuff? LET’S PANIC!
That’s the spirit, Milhouse!
Here we go, this is more like it. Round one served up a plate of Stuff You And Your Point of Difference Selections to go along with the lovely, steaming pile of Regret For All The Picks You Didn’t Make. Mmm-mmmm, yumyumyum.
We had Hawthorn captain Luke Hodge breaking his wrist, and gun Collingwood midfielder Steele Sidebottom suspended for two games, heading off the list of players who need to be traded.
Speaking of that list, Pie Dane Swan has suffered a broken leg, and if you are one of the 1.9% of sides with him, he’s gotta go.
Jed Anderson joins Swan on the long term injury list having done a hamstring. Flick him if you’ve got him.
— 3AW Football (@3AWisfootball) March 31, 2016
Troy Sam McClure, who you may remember from such shows as Sports Today and I Hate Supercoach Sometimes, says Scott Pendlebury is carrying sore ribs into tomorrow night’s game and won’t be 100%. There’s no danger of him missing, according to McClure, but his inside work will likely be diminished. Expect another week of regret for selecting him over Gary Ablett or Matthew Priddis.
A trifecta of calf injuries is concerning animal rights activists, as Suns recruit Matt Rosa will miss a game, while flog-turned-floggy-leader Mitch Robinson from the Lions is out for a few and rookie Daniel Rioli has disappeared almost as quickly as he arrived. All three have done something to their calves, which begs the question; is drug abuse or young cow abuse is the real problem facing the AFL today?
I’m sorry. That joke was… udderly… awful.
I’ll stop for real now.
Rosa and Rioli should be back next week and shouldn’t need a trade, but Robinson could miss two and could warrant a trade.
If you toyed with mid-priced Essendon prospects Jonathon Simpkin or Craig Bird, you’re going to have to trade to a Ben Kennedy or Daniel Wells, as both of them have been overlooked for selection after their lacklustre attempts at doing the football thing on the weekend.
Melbourne rookie Oscar McDonald will miss this week for the Demons after doing an ankle, but fear not, for they have been bolstered by the inclusion of Heritier ‘The Gift’ Lumumba who will hopefully win Essendon the game off his own ego.
Dayne Zorko returns in all his magnificent glory on Saturday, and should be a big consideration for Coach Kings sides. Also returning is the big friendly giant Aaron Sandilands, who should bolster the scores of Nat Fyfe and Michael Barlow.
Heading the inclusions list is Essendon rookie Michael Hartley, who if you ask me should have been selected last week, but no, the selection committee “don’t listen to angry letters from people on the internet.” Pfft.
We also have Kade Kolodjashnij returning from his mystery illness, new Eagle Lewis Jetta and fantasy football flog Dale Thomas being selected for their first games of 2016.
Still absent is Brett ‘Where the bloody hell are you?’ Deledio, who evidently decides he doesn’t want to start playing football before April every year. Sam Grimely is also sitting, unselected, in a lot of R3 positions, which still has me puzzled. In fact, only 4 top up players have been named for the Dons, with Matty Dea, Matthew Stokes and James Kelly joining Ryan Crowley.
As has been said by everyone this week, don’t trade unless someone’s injured. We don’t have enough information to go against all our pre-season research. Give them another week – yes, even Toby bloody Greene. Hold, community.
Breakevens aren’t a thing until next week, so I don’t have to google how to spell Dan Aykroyd’s name for another week.
THE TALKING POINT
New year, new segments – in The Talking Point, I’ll give my two cents on the biggest question of the week. Hit me up on Twitter if you want a question brought up!
This week, Tom Hickey from the Saints is up for discussion after being the second ruckman to feast on the flayed carcass of Matthew Lobbe. He scored a mammoth 157 points on the weekend, collecting the pill 20 times – 13 contested at 70% efficiency – to go with six clearances and 56 hitouts.
This kid has talent, and Mick the Mad Irishman loves him, but hold, community. We’re not at danger of seeing his current 375k price shoot up for another week, so see how he goes against the Dogs. However, keep in mind the Dogs are the one side who would be a worse yardstick in ruck stocks than the Lobbe-lead Power.
THE ROOKIE RUMBLE
A stable of last year’s Panic Room has been taken on by the great Barron Von Crow, who gives much better insight than I ever had time to. I wish I had time to reproduce his incredible, awe-inspiring captaincy Scouting Report, but alas I cannot. Lek’s brilliant cheat sheet will help plug some of that gap, so make sure you check that out.
However, I will throw my top 3 captaincy picks up each week in a new segment I call…
The lazy man’s captain’s corner, Captain A-meh-Rica will list two solid VC options, two blokes you can count on and one sneaky smokie. It’s for blokes who have done no captaincy research by a bloke who’s done very little captaincy research.
Because the pun “Captain A-Mare-Ica” will get old quickly (see, it’s already on its last legs), let’s hope I don’t have to use it often.
This week, early games see Collingwood play, which would ordinarily see us jumping on Scott Pendlebury. However, with news of his injured ribs, I’d steer clear and look to Robbie Gray in Showdown XXXX (the Showdown for More Beer), who averaged 128 in Showdowns last year. I’d have no problems backing Tom Rockliff to go big against North.
On the big gold C, I’d trust Nat Fyfe – with the return of Aaron Sandilands – or Gary Ablett to carry the standard for us. Both are guns of the supercoach world.
My smokie option this week is Maxy Gawn. Coming up against a woeful Essendon side with an underdone Matthew Luenhameneggenburger he might score BIG.
That’s it from me, community. I’ve made enough bad jokes and written enough incoherent words for this week. I’ll do my best to flit in and out of the comments, so hopefully I’ll see you there! Good luck this week, community.
Register and lock your teams in now at www.coachkings.com.au
SOUTH AUSTRALIAN RESIDENTS: Will have the Adelaide v Port Adelaide contest on Saturday in place of the Brisbane v Kangaroos game