Patch’s Grand Final Panic Room – Round 22
Here we are community. We’re here – Supercoach grand final week. After a long and arduous season, it seemed like we’d never reach the end, but here we are.
Congratulations to all who have made it to the last week of August, and commiserations to those who haven’t. It’s been a bully of a year, but we’ve bravely fought on where others have dropped off.
Before I get into this week, I need to thank Jock, Higgo and Crouching for giving me this space, and for being magnificent gentlemen in every sense of the word. The other guys on the site – Chicko, Dex and Barron – also get huge props for doing what they’ve done, while Lek gets his own shout-out for going above and beyond the call of duty. Keep an eye out for the moustachioed marvel video tonight and his special video next week.
I also need to thank you, community. Because you are the gosh darn nicest place I’ve ever run into on the internet. You’re wonderful.
Now, before everyone gets soppy we need to get into the important thing – our quest for Supercoach victory.
On the bright side, it’s not as bad as last year’s grand final week. On the other hand, it is still bad. Nathaniel Fyfe is out for the rest of the home and away season, as is Marc Murphy.
Trent Cotchin misses this week with a back niggle, while Luke Hodge has been suspended for 2 weeks after trying to wrap Chad Wingard’s head around a goalpost with his elbow. (Continuing his run as the leader of the ‘Doing-Stupid-Things-To-Damage-Your-Supercoach-Team-At-The-Worst-Possible-Time’ award.)
Sydney duo Tom Mitchell and Lance Franklin have been named… but Titch is on an extended bench and Buddy’s back is still bad. Got a bad feeling about this, community. My gut feel is Titch plays and Buddy misses. But I mean they both might miss. It is grand final week after all.
Popular rookies Caleb Daniel and Shaun Edwards will miss, both having been omitted from their respective sides. However, Karl Amon and Jake Lever return.
James Kelly returns for Geelong, while Liam Picken also helps beef up our defensive line. Jack Ziebell and Devon Smith also return for their respective sides.
Anyone with Josh Caddy, Jack Redden, Heritier “The Gift” Lumumba or Andrew Carrazzo will be without them this week.
It’s the last week of the year. If you have trades left, I don’t want to hear it. You’re either devilishly lucky or so thrifty Scrooge McDuck would be putting up his hands crying poor. I mean that’s brilliant that you’ve got trades left. Your level of self-control is admirable.But there mere thoughts of people with trades has me seething. Out of pure spite, I don’t want to give you options. But I should.
So – down back, when ditching Hodge, look to Houli, Shaw or Picken to bring you home. Up forward, Wingard, Zorko or Harvey will get the job done. In the midfield, pull in the highest averaging guy you don’t have.
Simple. Easy. Now go use your trades, you disciplined, impressive yet irritating humans. The rest of us are just going to sulk over here for a bit.
Price is now irrelevant. Breakevens are useless. Farewell, Eddie and Dan.