Patch’s Panic Room – Round 21
Sweet mother of all that is holy. Community, I’d written up an intro and half the panic room before going to work. I get home at midnight and all of that has gone out the window.
This year has been terrible to us, and it shows no sign of relenting this week. The raids have continued. Tom Mitchell. Jack Steele. Luke Parker. Jake Lever. Still no Lance Franklin. David Armitige. James Kelly. Liam Picken. The Pav. They’ve been carried off by the gods of form, of injury, of just pure spite against us. The carnage – just like my heart – will go on.
It’s enough to make you scream.
Sydney have lost some integral players. Lance Franklin hasn’t returned, Luke Parker has broken his ankle and some prick has shoved their finger into Tom Mitchell’s eye, not putting him out for one but possibly two weeks. Whoever mislaid that finger will have hell to pay from the supercoach community. ARGH.
Jake Lever and Jack Steele will both miss, and Bailey Dale will be an emergency. Andrew Boston is out. Brayden Maynard will play but if you wanted any other bench cover, HA! The game laughs in our face. ARGH.
David Armitage is gone. It’s 1am and I haven’t looked at why. He’s just out. Gone. Missing. And I’m angry. ARGH.
Quite a few defenders are gone this week. Liam Picken. James Kelly. Jared Harbrow. As mentioned Jake Lever. ARGH.
Jack Zeibell is out. ARGH.
Nic Nat is back. Good news. Except it’s not. I don’t have him. My opponents do. ARGH.
The Pav is being rested. Charlie Dixon is getting some rotting flesh replaced. ARGH.
Michael Hurley and Shaun McKernan are back. I have neither. It’s not making me feel any better. ARGH.
Rumours abound that Brendan “The Mighty Flog” Goddard
hasn’t got on the plane to the Gold Coast and might miss. ARRRGHH! was on the plane the whole time.
Zac Dawson is back and I’m offended by that. How does he continue to get games? HOW? WHY IS HE IN AND NOT FRANKLIN? IT’S NOT FAIR. AAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHHH!
THE PATCH UP
Okay I’m feeling better. Sleep has left me merely seething that this game refuses to give us full premium sides, not homicidal. Breathe. You scored 2600 last week Patch, be at peace. You’ve somehow survived 2 cutthroat weeks with an average side thanks to Barron von Crow’s captain picks. Inner peace.
Right. Who do we look to bring in this week? You probably should jump off pretty much anyone missing this week, unless you’ve got your opponent covered.
This includes Parker, Titch, Buddy, Picken, Armitige, Zeibell, Kelly – anyone. This is not the time of year to carry injured players.
Unless you’ve got no trades, like me.
Like a few weeks ago, I’m just going to go through and list a few blokes at different price points I reckon you could trade in.
The man to get here if you can is Luke Hodge. You should already have Heath Shaw, but I think you need both of these two to win a flag. No question. If you’ve got no cash, look at Kade Simpson – who is now playing for his career. But I prefer Bachar Houli over Simpson, who has had an off year.
Paddy Dangerfield is your man. Get him in. I’d steer clear of Mundy (if I had trades and hence the option to steer clear) as a rest seems to be coming. Leigh Montagna is averaging 120 over his last three and is one I’m spewing I wasn’t able to pick earlier in the year. Rory Sloane – as much as we hate to go after a guy we’ve traded in and out and in and out and in and out and in and… you get the picture, as much as we hate it, he’s on fire and is a good pick. But go as expensive as you can to nab whoever you can.
Dayne Zorko. Chad Wingard. If you’ve got the cash, bring them in. Both are on fire, and despite both of them burning me badly in the past, I’d trade both back in again in a heartbeat. You could go sideways to Jimmy Bartel, which I’d heartily endorse. Otherwise, Lachie Hunter at $420,600 has scored a 124, 124 and 104 in his last 4 games.
Otherwise, I hear there’s a lot of buzz around Lenny as a POD pick.
And at least Lenny doesn’t get injure…
Actually never mind. At least we know what happened to Tom Mitchell. Damn you, pudding. WE TRUSTED YOU!
Irrelevant. It’s here for old time’s sake, and because I don’t like having only three segments.
I know it’s empty. I know I technically only have two segments anyway. I know. But I need stability in the Panic Room in lieu of both my supercoach team’s instability and my beloved Essendo…
Oh god. Essendon. Hird. I’d forgotten about that.
I’m think I’m going to scream.
So, community, before I accidentally injure someone or burst a blood vessel, I will send this off to Lekdog and hopefully it finds its way to you wonderful humans. Let’s hope we’re all back here next week for the Supercoach grand finals.
Although, of course, that seems unlikely given how this year has treated us. Keep your ears peeled for piercing shrieks over the weekend – no matter if you’re in Melbourne or as far away as New York like ol’ pal Throttlefinger – as my team disintegrates before my eyes. Stay tuned for Sunday night as we all howl at the moon in mourning of the “anus horibillus” that was.