Warning: Wombats are solitary, ignorant, arrogant and dismissive of most things that enter their lives. I’m not at ‘Top Wombat level’ but I’m improving so, if you are offended by anything I write you can get stuffed. My comments are my gifts to you and, just like Christmas gifts you should focus on the content rather than the wrapping.
The solution to the 2015 supercoach backline is, for many, a shimmering heat haze on an outback desert highway. Is it water and salvation? Is it another dry salt lake bed? Is it just another 300kms of flat straight road?
For the good of the entire Jock Reynolds community, it was obvious to me that someone had to find that outback desert highway and explore the philosophical mirage of uncertainty. But who?
Those of you who frequent the JockReynolds site during a supercoaches ‘ON’ season would know that every single one of the regular writers and forum contributors would fight to the death for the chance to undertake such a noble quest for the man who is known in the AFL Club boardrooms and premier gambling establishments as, ‘Jock of the Peninsula’. and in Crouching tigers neighbourhood as, ‘Hung Long Phat’.
Fortunately, even though it was after the start of the Boxing Day test, nobody from the community had suggested such a quest. So, I was able to assume responsibility based on the ‘I saw it first’ law.
I knew that if I asked for approval from Jock he would immediately do it himself ignoring the enormous risk.
For those who weren’t watching ABC News 24 on Boxing Day “Jock Reynolds’ Christmas videos have caused youtube meltdown at Victoria’s Secret New York model headquarters and, Throttlefinger has confirmed the JFK departure of a crack lingerie team to secure Jocks DNA.”
Could the Jock Reynolds community risk Jock being kidnapped by a VW Combi Van full of Victoria’s Secret models and shagged to death on a outback highway? Definitely not; well not before we all have a good D1,2,3 anyway.
We all know that Wombats are as tuff as (something that is really really tuff) and, I am a bit nuts. So, as I had named myself after those often underrated Aussie legends I believed that the responsibility to undertake a quest requiring tuffness and an elevated degree of nuttiness was mine.
Conversations of the time with Dools identified that he was definitely more qualified than me in capacity for abstract thought and ability to enter the trance state required for such a dangerous mission (nuts) but, I have a solar powered fridge/freezer and, I thought of it first.
Pieman was also a walk up start as far as having the required physical and metal attributes but he’s a Collingwood supporter and I feared that if he found the 2015 SuperCoach Defence Holy Grail he would immediately take it to cash converters or put it on gumtree.
I embarked on my noble quest in relative secrecy, due mainly to the fact that I was the only person that was aware of the quests existence. For the first 2-days of my quest I was able to camp in bush close enough to caravan parks to piggyback their wifi and keep in touch with Dools. If you read our conversation in Big Ben’s Dustin Martin review and Piemans Viojo-Rainbow you can follow a journey through towns called TittyBong and experience firsthand Dools’ lessons in advanced fridge communications.
You will also experience firsthand an actual occurrence of a human in the deathly grasp of ‘Supercoach Swamp fever’ experiencing illusions of demon Swamp wallabies, as it happens!
You will see from the communications between Dools and I that I went ‘off the radar’ for about a week after I had arrived at Lake Menindee. I don’t remember exactly what happened over that lost week but, it included endless days of 45+ temperatures that resulted in a Thai fridge speaking fluent English and a set of solar panels begging for just one minute in the shade.
I remember having to crawl through a sewer of rotting def/mid taggers to arrive at the feet of a statuesque Def/Fwd beauty with beautiful statistics, which subsequently proved to be full of silicon and donuts.
I remember hearing and feeling the skin on my shaved head and exposed ears prickle and pop as I dragged myself across a floating and ever changing landscape of salt flats, iron stone fields and sand dunes. All the while a spiny tailed gecko dancing beside me offering to lick the sand and salt from my eyes. But as the gecko tongue drew near my eyeball it transforms to a razor being wielded by a bearded man carrying a list of surgeries and being pursued by a pack young male wolves.
I remember opening a door into a lush valley marketplace where beautiful people offered sustenance and advice. I remember seeing other crusaders like me ushered into dark alleys by former champions who harvested them for their organs.
I remember a robust, furry rock crashing through the fires of hell and dragging me to safety after I snatched the defensive holy grail from the gnarled hands of Supercoach Satan himself.
I remember drinking from the grail and then travelling through a wormhole of supercoach backlines where all the faces were replaced by numbers. I remember that the numbers on the faces always combined to equal a similar number.
The average of that number is 478+ and it is the answer to the first 5-weeks of the 2015 defensive dilemma. Your minimum backline score for the first 5 weeks should be 478 p/week.
D1 = 98+
D2 = 90+
D3 = 85+
D4 = 70+
D5 = 70+
D6 = 65+
I risked my life for you so that you could know that the player name is irrelevant in the supercoach backline. Choose your player based on what you think he is CAPABLE of scoring, not on what he costs or has scored in the past. Understand his teams’ dynamics = is he over 27 in a team with a 23 years old coming into his 3rd or 4th year and wanting his position. Watch NAB.
If you can’t fully understand Wombatese ask Jock, Dools, Pieman, Throttlefinger, Dexter, The General, TaylorWoof, Big Ben, or the young pup LekDog to translate for you.
I already know that you are all grateful to me for my sacrifices so don’t interrupt me to show your gratitude. I might bite.