Tom Lamb: is he much chop?

PiemanHaving being overlooked for a 17th consecutive draft you’d think I’d be a little upset. I am. I take these things personally. Well fellas, what do I have to do? I got right into fitness training & got rid of the gut, cut down on the fags & booze (ever so slightly), I even did the additional fitness you asked of me (Tinder). And still you knocked me back. You recruiters wouldn’t know the difference between talent & a high speed turkey slap! Shitheads!

Let’s move on to Tom Lamb. Like Jock said in the recent donor’s podcast it was a surprise Lamb wasn’t selected in the first round. But 2 weeks before the draft I learned why. He ended up sliding out to 32. Which means he lands in that lovely sweet spot of picks 18-40. As I’ve said in previous articles go & look at the last draft & picks 18-40 were the reason you ended up with a guns & rookies team.

I was down at the tennis club a few weeks ago (not chatting up the MILF’s at the bar for once) & started chatting to a lovely young lad who I play against but had never chatted to. Well it turns out he went to school with Tom Lamb. It’s fair to say he didn’t exactly have a glowing assessment of Tom Lamb. Well certainly not in his year 10 days when Tom had some a few look at me & discipline problems. He was on a full scholarship at Haileybury yet finished his schooling at Parkdale secondary college. Read into that what you will. But he still got picked up & is certainly worth a look.

My young friend’s final assessment of Tom Lamb was “mercurially talented but inconsistent”. The same words my old man used to describe a young Pieman. Turns out my young friend had played footy with the who’s who of the last 2 drafts. Josh Kelley, Jack Billings, Boyd, Petrecca, Brayshaw etc….. When I walked away only 1 name was on my mind & it wasn’t Tom Lamb. The man he just couldn’t stop talking about & a man the great Higgo is bullish about, Christian Salem. Oh boy will I be keeping an eye on that young man during the preseason. He stopped short of calling him superman (only just) & highlighted the guy was a game changer & match winner. Has Melbourne ever had one? Maybe this could be the new Robbie Flower.

I threw some quick questions at him regarding Lamb. Q: Contested player? A: “Laughing”. Q: Can he tackle? A: “more laughing”. Q: What is he good at? A: “Running. Outside player who can turn it on. Just not often enough”. Q: Ideal position? A: “Running half back who can go forward & kick goals if he feels like it”.

How did this guy get drafted at all? Obviously there is some talent.

Height: 193 cm
Weight: 86 kg
2015 Position: FWD
DPP Likely: Quite possibly
2015 Price: $117,300
Sub Prospect: Yes
Likely Points Av: -6 to 140
AFL Team: West Coast Eagles
Significant history: What part of his history isn’t!

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You don’t need to do much research on Tom Lamb to realise 2 things. Tom Lamb is a hell of a talent & Tom Lamb has had a few attitude problems in his younger days.

The glaring positive about Tom Lamb & Supercoach 2015 relevance is his athleticism. At the draft combine the 193 cm utility ran a 9:45 3km time trial (2nd overall) & a 15.5 beep test.

I’m going to be honest & confess I honesty have NFI what a beep test is. After this article I’m going to Google it. But apparently 15.5 is elite. And what it adds up to is he’s already at the elite level of where a 3rd year player would be at. He averaged 22 disposals last season without really any midfield time. The bastard can run & receive.

Tom is an outside player, a receiver (a seagull) as the General would say. My friend did state he wasn’t even slightly interested in body contact & contested situations. As far as bargain based rookies are concerned we don’t give a shit if there under a pack. Just get on the park & score points. Tom Lamb may well do that, but probably won’t. Well not in 2015.

By the sounds of things the eagle’s hierarchy will be praying for 2 things not to happen for Tom Lamb. The first he makes fiends with Ben Cousins, if he does he could break the 3 strikes policy in his first preseason. The second, he doesn’t piss of Daniel Kerr off when he’s holding a jerry can & a cigarette lighter. That hair will go up instantly. BBQ Lamb Chop.

I think Tom Lamb needs what the Pieman once got. A summer highlighted by a madmad chasing him with a rubber hose. Pace & evasive skills can’t be developed any better. Given Lamb Chop is an outside player that’s the recipe for success with a head case.

Risk Factor

He may get a game, have a good game & then deliver a turd burglar & get dropped & may never be back. I fear this guy could be a fit version of Relton.

Selection Purpose

This is a ride by the seat of your pants rookie selection. He could be in & out of the team, he could be a DPP. There is selection purpose to the Lamb chop. He did average 106 sc points in the TAC last season. If he could guarantee us 70 av & reliable game time he’s in. But I think that could be too much to ask for the Lamb Chop. He’s not walking into a development team.

The Good

  • Talented to the eyeballs
  • Has the fitness to play at the highest level today
  • Can take a grab even up forward (same height as McCartin)
  • Outside player who can deliver the ball
  • Could be anything

The Bad

  • Drift in & out of games
  • DE can drop off big time
  • Who knows if he will adopt the lifestyle to play at the elite level
  • Yet to be a team player

Final Verdict

If ever there was a rookie I hoped doesn’t play in round 1 it’s Tom Lamb. This could be anything dreadlocked talent could very well be a spud. The comparisons to Jack Watts are a stain in the underpants. But like Jock says, I hope he can overcome that. He could tear it up in round 1, have a stinker in round 2 & get dropped for who knows how long. Your early season rookies are critical. You need constant appreciation from them. Not sure Lamb would be the man. He’s another risk burger with the lot. If ever there was a guy you wanted to come in later & you could get 2 games to look at him & make sure he was playing the next game it’s this fella. Downgrade players are important as well.

Just like jumping a fence with a pack of Doberman’s on the other side “Enter at your own risk”.

If named round 1: NO! Well I won’t. Corrective at best
Later in the season: Maybe

Pieman

Twitter: @paulmaltman

 

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40 Comments

Muddiemoose · 09/12/2014 at 04:00

Awesome info PieMan!

Great work all around by the pre season gang keeps me busy on the long nightshirts planing my SC glory in 2015

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:18

    Thank you Muddie. SC supremecy awaits for 2015. Surely someone from here will win it. Good luck in your tilt at the title.

Chicko · 09/12/2014 at 05:26

Outstanding Pieman! I much admire a man who never stops thinking about supercoach even when at the tennis club with MILFs all around – that is focus personified right there. "A fit version or Relton" – gold! Lamb is also a no for mine. Great article mate.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:19

    Thanks Chicko. It's all about balance. And this is a labour of love. And so are the tennis MILF's.

lostlarrikin · 09/12/2014 at 08:10

Pure Genuis INP!
Will be laughing all day at this one.
Love the avg likely points.
An obvious No, downgrade maybe (if WCE have injuries to 7-8 of their midfielders before the bye)

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:22

    Gary Rohans -2 came to mind Losty. And I thought he might be capable of stinking it up, then giving away a few frees & getting subbed.

Seaford Scouse · 09/12/2014 at 08:17

Incredible background info there mate, need an invite to that tennis club as well!

As for Mr BBQ (sounds like a burn man to me) definite no at this stage but will keep me eye on him although can’t see him breaking into the weagles side regardless. Thanks for the Salem tip as well, he is definitely interesting especially if retaining DPP.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:24

    The tennis club is like my mailman, just keeps delivering. No worries on the Salam tip, he's an absolute gun.

General Soreness · 09/12/2014 at 08:48

Brilliant work Pieman especially nice work getting the inside running on a few players and being kind enough to pass the Salem tip on to the community.

A corrective at best is where I see him too, inconsistency at TAC level is not a glowing assessment. However at TAC level he was thrown around all over the place from forward to back to mid which may have contributed to his inconsistency but all reports are that even when he would tear a game up early he would then go missing and vice versa which seems to point more to the headcase issues your learned friend at tennis was talking about. On the plus side, he likes to kick the footy and kicks it long therefore wont need to get the pill as much as some others to score well in SC.

Great work again INP!

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:27

    If he does get a game I agree & don't think he will rack up dispals. But you are right when he does he kicks it. Jock knows some of his family & the reports are he has improved his character over the last 12 months. But time will tell how he turns out.

WombatsFC · 09/12/2014 at 09:14

Thanks Itchy I'm thinking of starting him purely based on your effort with his review.
If you can put in that much effort and not get drafted this adolescent sheep must be a star.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:30

    You are a star Wombats. No doubt about that. Can't believe you never got drafted either.

      WombatsFC · 09/12/2014 at 15:26

      No problems getting on the draught no chance of being in the draft.

throttlefinger · 09/12/2014 at 09:30

Simply a classic. In the hall of reviews, this should be at the top. Hilarious and insightful, got a true understanding of the potential and the challenge of The Chop. And the Salem bit made this piece even more golden. Eager to hear what Jock's take on him is. Wait until preseason to see where his head is and if he can hang with the big boys. Again, bravo on this masterpiece, INP!

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:38

    Thank you throttle. I'll be hitting my young friend up for some more gold in the coming weeks. He's like a SC rookie bible considering he's seen so many of them play. He's a hell of a tennis player as well. I'm really looking forward to Higgo's take on Salem. I can only assume he's heard some pretty good things about him as well.

      throttlefinger · 09/12/2014 at 10:48

      Is Higgo doing a review? Thought his writings only grace the pages of mathematical journals, Cosmos fan forums and mother-son living blogs. Can't wait to read if true.

        Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:53

        Higgo did mention in a recent podcast that he will be reviewing Salem. How he intends to do that remains to be seen. But I'm sure it will be brialliant Throttle. Maybe he will make Salem a compulsory selection in the Higginator.

          throttlefinger · 09/12/2014 at 11:00

          Haha. The Higginator…now with attitude! Sure it will be a review for the ages. Just like this one, my man.

          Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 11:01

          I'll ask Jock & Higgo if they want me to do a piece on Salem Throts. But they maye have already done something. Whichever way it's going to be eagerly anticipated.

Kev · 09/12/2014 at 09:36

Hells bells, Pieman! This review was just balls to wall action from the first sentence! Casting my mind back to TF's review of Duggan, Weagles aren't ones to chuck their new recruits in straight away. A year in the WAFL will harden this bloke up. 2016 bench prospect

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:41

    I completely agree big Kev. He will be made to earn his spot. And I think there are plenty ahead of him at the moment. He's probably a Shannon Hurn type player, & he won't be diplacing him anytime soon.

@TG_Footy_Tragic · 09/12/2014 at 09:49

I've got no idea how you get the info, but it's great.
Majestic article Pie. Bloody ripper.

I have NFI when it comes to rookies, your info has led me to put the Lamb on the rack rd1, I may BBQ him at a later date.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:46

    I'm a man of many resources Dex. I'll just be doing possible rookies from here. I can get some pretty handy mail on the lads. Cheers

      MASO · 09/12/2014 at 13:14

      yea i agree have found rookies hard to write about don't get all the good goss down in gippsland :-/

Tman · 09/12/2014 at 10:29

Hahahaha pieman. You should try the stand ups, you probably be bigger than Jimeoin. Awesomely entertaining wonderfully useful review.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 10:50

    Cheers Tman. I keep myself pretty well entertained. Not sure about stand up just yet but i'll keep it in mind.

Barwick's Soldiers · 09/12/2014 at 14:24

Beauty Pieman, at this stage a no, but he still has the pre season to prove himself

Dools · 09/12/2014 at 15:43

Well done INP,
This article is in the must read category for all would be AFL writers.
Talent and high speed turkey slap. That's right Caroline Wilson I'm looking at you! Once again you got Tinder in there and that was just the first paragraph…. Hilarious stuff mate
I thought a Beep test was something a guy did during a live show to x out expletives from interviewees like channel Nine, or Seven. They do not get work at SBS lets be honest same same the pixelator dude. I then looked it up on Google – Boring as mate. I hate running! It indicates a lack of the 5 P's (Prior, Preparation, Prevents, Poor, Performance.) when last drinks are called at the bar.
Anywho back to Lambchop great review and insights – He will be buried in the WAFL unless he is a replacement for an injury ravaged side. To start 100% NO.
I read this review at 0530 this morning before work and a few time at work, but now the day is done and I have read it again at home, on the entertainment scale of ball tearing reviews this is one of me favourites ever. Well done on content and humour!
"Turkey Slap" is still my highlight – Funny stuff. Thanks for making Tuesday a more enjoyable day.
I so want you to review Vojo Rainbow.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 21:03

    Thanks Dools. I was happy with how that one came out. I wonder if Gill gives Caro a whack every now & then when she's under the desk! Keep you in check young lady. Glad to be of service.

      Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 21:07

      Dools just for you I will do the Rainbow piece if none of the other boys havn't picked him out already. I will check the directory. My next one will be on Christian Salem. Having given a taste it's only fitting to deliver a write up on this budding superstar. He's going to be a SC beast. And I'll be delivering my very best work on him next week. Stay tuned.

        Dools · 09/12/2014 at 21:21

        Lots of drinking time to think then and get it right mate…..No pressure or anything …Just lots of fridge time…

          Dools · 09/12/2014 at 21:23

          And getting it right…Did I mention that? …No pressure mate… Fridge time

            Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 21:37

            It's a sales pitch & insightful trip down his memory lane, mixed with his talent & ability to turn games. I now realise why my tennis buddy loves this guy. I won't be holding back on my assesment of Melbourne's recent rubbish history & potential now that some compenent people are at the helm. I reckon Higgo will have my back on this one. Throw us a cold one brother! Expect everything from blended moments of Elvis to Ferris Bueler. Your going to love this one!

General Soreness · 09/12/2014 at 16:37

INP about time you upgraded you avatar now you have your JR emblem.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 21:03

    Bring it on General

jockreynolds · 09/12/2014 at 20:55

Absolutely rip snorting write up Pie. My own sources suggest this kid turned a big corner a year or so back in terms of becoming a young man – which he'll need to have done moving out West! Will be watching this grandson of St.Kilda pemiership legend Ian Cooper and son of ex AFL Wayne Lamb very closely. Solid preseason.. named round 1… he'll go close to joining JR Brumby. No denying his pedigree.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 21:10

    Fair call Jock. I won't be picking him in round 1 based on his consistency & likelyhood for a long holiday. Lets hope he puts in a solid preseason & is in the mix. Absolutely no doubt about the pedigree & elite fitness level. You have to take note of that.

Phil · 09/12/2014 at 21:44

Cracking review, you managed to sell Christian Salem better than Tom Lamb! It's gotta be hard for u guys when you write about a player we've never seen play, but you've given us a great insight into his talent, and perhaps the lack of attitude of this young man…..Great stuff.

Plenty of here have noted why not to pick this guy, however i think he should, at the very least, be watchlisted. You said he should have gone 1st round (on talent). So essentially you're getting a bargain priced rookie (who could have cost more) with possible DPP in which I believe is a hard position to fill this year (DEF) All he has gotta do is get his attitude right.

Still some good points made about West Coast rookies generally having a year in the WAFL.

    Itchy Nuts Pieman · 09/12/2014 at 21:53

    Phil. I can't sell what I don't believe in. Hoping lamb chop gets some WAFL time & be made to prove himself. When he goes missing he goes Lewis Jetta GF missing. Next week I'll unveil the Christian Salem piece. Or it's just a tease. Cheers Phil.

      General Soreness · 10/12/2014 at 08:50

      ROFL, Lewis Jetta GF missing, GOLD!!

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