A women’s perspectve on Fantasy Footy

Published by Jock on

BCNAMothers Day this weekend community – a time to cherish the birds in your life.

All jokes aside this is one of the few instances throughout the season where fantasy footy – albeit for a very brief window at some stage over the weekend – should take a back seat. Don’t forget that The Field of Women is on this Saturday so get right amongst it to get behind the Breast Cancer Network Australia. Details here.

Tonight we have a feature article from a talented young woman who has recently discovered the JR Community – author Kelly Jordan. Enjoy a top read from a top bird:

Fantasy Football – a Women’s perspective.

When I was asked to write a women’s perspective on Fantasy Football, I was stumped. I had no perspective on Fantasy Football. I dare say that many women’s football fantasies involve it ceasing to exist. Not that I’m one of those.

No. I am a football survivor.

I grew up in a die-hard footy household where the Melbourne footy club was a substitute for religion. I went to most Melbourne games, the most memorable being the ’87 quarter final against Hawthorn when Jimmy Stynes ran across the mark after the siren, allowing Jason Dunstall to kick a goal and steal Melbourne’s spot in the grand final. I wept at that game.

Thankfully, like any cult survivor, I was lucky to escape. Therefore the prospect of Fantasy Football makes me a little nervous. What if I got drawn back into football again? (I did mention I barracked for Melbourne, right?).

But from the moment I sat down at my computer to pick my Fantasy team, I began to relax. There was no loyalty here. I wouldn’t have to weep again. Fantasy Football is game of numbers, like a lottery you have some control over. It’s also a bit like online shopping with ten million dollars in the bank. Sure I couldn’t use it to buy the new Simpsons Lego I covet, but I take solace from the fact that even though Tom Hawkins would never look at me in real life, I can now own him. I can put him on the bench for the whole season, if I like. Just a warning, Tommy.

Alas, as I worked on my team, the laborious task of evaluating statistics soon lost its appeal. There’s surprising amount to learn, and with the additional complications of rookies, injury-prone players, court cases and ASADA, I soon found myself suffering paralysis by analysis. But I didn’t want to quit. I just needed to pick my team using something I knew about. So I decided to use a different selection criteria. Haircuts.

Now there are a lot of boys getting around the field these days with ill-advised haircuts (e.g., the Richmond football club). And don’t start me on the beards. Some of these players could step straight from the field and into a folk band. Quick, get that man a banjo!
So finding myself daunted by the statistics and angered by haircuts, I named my team “Hair to Win”, and with the assistance of Google images, I began building my team. This took quite a while. While Google did its magic, I ran a parallel and yet equally important search: kittens in sinks. At the end of a long day, I found myself with a good-lookin’ side, a few thousand left in the bank, and a strong desire to force my cat in a sink so I can take photos of it.

I’ve only just begun my journey into Fantasy Football, but I am starting to understand its growing popularity. Fantasy Football has added an extra dimension to the game. I’m even watching the pre-season games with avid interest, cheering wildly when sensible heads of hair go near the ball, and whooping with joy when those with terrible haircuts fumble and fall.

So ladies, if your better half is into Fantasy Football, maybe you should give it a go too. Do it for all those men who have been dragged into Lincraft and forced to feign an interest in throw rugs and a new type of stencil. And if you find yourself struggling to pick a team, remember the three words that will turn that all about.

Kittens. In. Sinks.

Kelly Jordan


One of the growing list of ladies joining in the Jock Community? Sing out in the comments below and let us know how you’re matching it with the blokes in your life!


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87 preliminary final? Buckenara? Good to see the nightmare is beginning to fade aha I’ll be at the G for support this Saturday!


Ahhh the name Buckenara and the 12th man…. gary buckenara- he had a bucken beauty last week against carlton- and he'll be bucken hard to stop this week against sydney!…. LOL


Yep definitely Buckenara. I think it was still 15 meter penalties back then but I remember the kick. It went for miles.


Thanks for this!

It´s now my 3rd year on footy and as I started with my aussie friends on twitter to play fantasy footy (we´ve our own league of animals/pets, yes, animals – Jock, you remember my darling kitty @JanisFelidae?) I had no idea and even had never ever heard about footy – to explain, I live in Germany and you might know it´s (boo) soccer country. However, my first selection criteria were haircuts, too and that´s still a reason why Matt "Goldilocks" Priddis will never be in my team (sorry Matt)

Anyway, it´s so much fun and I´ve learned so much and there´s still so much to learn. But after two years now I´m proud to score 2000 points on a regular basis! Thanks Jock and your fantastic blog. I`ve really no idea what I´ve ever done in my life without footy


oh sorry, no idea why the kitty pic is displayed


Good to know someone else has haircuts on their selection criteria 🙂

Roadkill Warrior

I still cant select Dalhaus, even now the mop is gone.


Throughout the week my house is just like yours. Monday – reflection. Tuesday – analysis. Wednesday – quiet contemplation. Thursday – TEAMS, action. Friday – trading, team confirmations. And then the footy starts. Games watched with iPad on knee. Points checked at qtr breaks. Bursts of joy and/or anger as possessions are racked up for your team or your opponents. Swearing as injuries or the bloody vest threaten to tear our team apart. Family functions interrupted to check late changes.

Sunday night is jubilation or deep depression depending on your final score.

The difference in my house is my husband is the supercoach widower.

My daughter says things like “Mum, how’s your supercoach team going this week?”

My son says “Mum who are you playing this week?”

My husband says “He’s going alright. Have you got him?”

I am Mother. I am wife. I am supercoach.


we bloody love you


What a good little read… The Mrs enjoyed it too!

Danks Very Much

Love the article!! I too wanted to start my own league where all teams must consist of players with bad hair, all over body tatts, nudenuts, rangas & funny names. But then I realised that this describes most players/teams & where is the fun in that??

I too am a supercoach fanatic, currently sitting 3rd in my boyfriend’s mates leleague & I was runners up last year! There is not a day that passes where I’m not consisering my next trade, captain loophole choice or cashcow selection/culling! It makes watching AFL so much better & I get to listen to the funniest podcast going ’round! Love your work Jock, Higgo, Crouching & Wayno!!


We actually had a completely hair based team a few years back to fill a league. “Rangers and nudenuts” didn’t set the world on fire but balancing the likes of chappy and Ablett with lemons like Rohan was an interesting experiment into the hair/SC interface.


guys whats happened to tight arse tuesday

Greg Buckenara

Kelly,I MUST correct your Article,It was not Jason Dunstall that kicked the winning goal after Jimmy Stynes ran across the mark,it was my Brother Gary Buckenara. My name is Greg Buckenara,I am the oldest of the Four Brothers. There is Myself.Rod,Gary all born in Perth and our youngest brother Trevor who was born in Geelong in 1973.

ket qua xo so

the woman who won lottery here check it out